sorry, feeling a bit dizzy after seeing too much of the guy below...
i shall do my essay plan tomorrow .promise . BX

speeaking of which, holy mother, if i went home and see the following on my bed using my lap top, i'll most pobably die of cardiac arrest on the spot LOL.
ITS LIKE GOING HOME AND SEEING RONALDINHO AND KAKA JUGGLING THE BALL AMONG THEMSELVES IN MY VERY SMALL LIVING ROOM.

Labels: boys over flowers, soccer

Labels: alone, bicycle trip, husky, med school, MOS, onigiri, photo mosaic, soccer

haha dhiya smsed me telling me that the korean drama rocked .
made me laugh like an idiot after reading that message.
todays 'joke' of the day:
niang: c'mon la, my tagboard is like... empty/quiet (whatever i forgot)
me: eh walao! mine is like piangs and my personal space HAHAHAHAHAHA

actually not very funny

anw nationals are.
don't wanna use that word but yeah its over.
i have a lot to say but i guess im just too lazy and i cant really express myself very well. ok im just lazy.
i had a loooong chat with sihui at the grandstand when it rained, reminiscing about the past.
realised that we really went through a lot,
from yewtee to kovan to sengkang.
and my own training at farrer park.
shams intensive fitness trainings.
the day khoo gave us our positions.

and that night i received 2 messages that melted my heart
"Hey emi, thanks for cheering me up tdy! I felt so touched when you told me.................................................................................(lazy to type plus figured i shouldnt type so much)...Love you a gazillion stars in the night! Hope you'll hv a gd rest tonight!"
"Its ok so happy to hear that you scored a goal i hope this spurs you on to continue to play without fear and with lots more confidence happy for you :) "

and that night i took a looong bus ride home. alone. felt damn good.
stopped by my gonggong and mamas house but didn't go in because they are already dead...

i believe that when you lose some, you gain some as well.
and because i have gained, the pain of losing seems to have been compensated for.
though not fully, i did learn quite a bit.
about friendship, love and life.





sometimes when i close my eyes, that scene just kept replaying through my mind.
it wasn't a great goal, i know, but its a very special goal to me.
now i know what he meant when he replied, "it was instinct, really..."
im just damn glad i managed to score that one goal for the team.
i believe anyone couldve done it
but still
it meant the world to me.
maybe because i had a hard fall this season.
when i walked back for the kick-off, my entire mind was flooded with ryan giggs and that goal he scored against arsenal long ago.
that video. thank god i found it.
i think this is the closure i needed.

Labels: boys over flowers, laugh like a piece of shit, soccer

graduation
sucks so much.
it makes you feel empty.

Labels: soccer

just random thoughts:
i don't know you anymore.
the only things that will stay with me forever are a dog's love and the love for a dog.
as the days go by, the more i want time to stop, the more suppressed i feel by each moment, the more defeated i feel



on tuesday, the day i dread would come
i will not let negative thoughts affect my performance.
i will not let my team down
i will not disgrace the sport.
i will be a man
i will carry and support my team
i will see the beauty in soccer.
i will be incredible.
we will be incredible.

today i answered a question in which ive always had many answers to.
why am i training so hard?
it suddenly dawned on me that more importantly, it was because i wanted to be the best left winger i can be for the team.
very simple, very ordinary, nothing special. but i guess that was what was driving me forward, besides my love for the sport.

like what ryan giggs said when he played his last international match,
"I hope this match will never end...",
i hope this match will never end.






really hate to think of what to do after tuesday.

Labels: friends, pepper, soccer

well i guess its true, that i need to feel useful to be happy.
k i think theres more to it than just that.

Labels: friends, soccer

today this could be, the greatest day of our lives.
today this could be, the greatest day of our lives.
and the world comes alive.
and the world comes alive.

this sucks.
they say sometimes you have to be lost to find yourself.
but wow, ive been lost for too damn bloody long.
great things have happened today,
like ms chua telling me she called my mom with good news
like us winning 1-0.
but why dammit why dont i feel a tinge of happiness?
when its time to be with the team, i actually felt like being alone.
i think i kinda figured out the reason im feeling this way.
yes, according to shiyun, i seem to be shutting myself out of many things.
ever since last year.
i wonder what can make me open up again.
when i join soccer in uni, i wont commit these fatal mistakes again.
holy shit, i think im suffering from soccer depression, i actually ah nvm.
wow this sucks. this sucks.

3 things to work on in a week:
1. dribbling
2. fitness fuck la!
3. corners

p.s
sorry yitong sihui and maybe van for that fucked up attitude after the match















may have fallen, but we'll be back.

i die after next week.

Labels: apologies, soccer

grr... hate myself for feeling that way.
how shallow can i get?

Labels: friends, soccer

somewhat inspired by sihui's
"if i'm a warrior, i would be the first to die " post.

so i'm going to do it AFTER i complete some homework.
this will be my motivation.
so stay tuned, my ghost reader.

Labels: homework, soccer

on a brighter note, my corner kicks are getting better.
the feeling came this week on sunday morning.
i even cabbed to school just so i would have some time alone, just me and soccer.
man it was worth it.
when i saw the ball sail through the air after months of seeing grounders, it was wow, pure joy.

this just further reinstates kaka's words in that video...
"... if you keep working hard, one day you will see the results of your efforts..."
i have never in my life seen myself do a decent (by my own standards) corner. and no matter how hard i practise, with the green fence, with the side of the net, with yitong, with sihui, i could never seem to get it right.
now i have to practise more to eradicate my inconsistency.
come to think of it, after the last match, training would make me feel guilty, and all thats left to do is to gather and play small-sided games.
not much on improving technique.

closure.
is this what we all need?
well, i could wait another two years to graduate from nj soccer.
wish i had gone to njip, but then again, im not sure if i wouldve joined soccer then because it was during sec 4 that my love for soccer was rekindled.
i guess everything happens for a reason.















i did it.





P.S. todays training wasnt exactly good for me though.

Labels: graduation, soccer

Ah. i can' believe i'm feeling this.

i think i've been waiting too much for things to happen to me that ive lost too much.
i shouldve agreed
but given the coward that i am, bet that if i could turn the wheel of time, i would say no again.
ah, but i bet this feeling will just fade away as always.
actually i think its hurting more because on top of all the shit ive been encountering the past 3 weeks or so, reality(or is it?) hits me hard in the face.

wow say hi to the failure on and off the field.
did you give up?
MAN i cant believe im saying all this shit, i guess im human after all.
i guess ive been hiding too much that the ugliness, it's all showing now.
having said this, you might expect me to do something about my situation, but guess what? i wont.
i'll just wait and wait and wait, until it all fades away.

argh, just forget i said this,.

Labels: soccer

Ah, so many things have happened.
In short, i can be said to have destroyed myself single-handedly in the first match of the season.

I'm like blogging once in a blue moon, whoa, look out your window, maybe the moon's really blue yo.
Actually i just wanted to say that during chemistry and physics lecture today, the scene of Ryan Giggs pushing the ball all the way up from behind the halfway line and eventually turning it into a spectacular goal after beating 5 defenders , it kept replaying in my mind over and over again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKBbq9_rFKs&feature=related

It's truly inspiring.
The beauty of football, ah, i'm utterly overwhelmed by it.


There are just some things that i don't believe, because i don't trust love.

I play football, I play God's music.

Labels: destruction, ryan giggs, soccer

tomorrow some things are really gonna hurt.

Labels: soccer

Recently i've been thinking quite a lot.
Amongst the sea of random thoughts and reflections, i thought of the future.
Not that i have never thought of it, but i just never thought of it to be simple, easy and carefree. Is it because i have just lived through possibly the worst week of my life that the sudden realization of how beautiful simplicity is keeps resonating in my mind?

I live in alone in an apartment with my beloved furry buddy.
In the day i work as a research scientist, dedicating my life to scientific research.
On some nights, i attend the usual club trainings, still enjoying every bit of the sport i love.
One day hopefully, Prince Charming would chance upon me and we would live happily ever after.

Labels: future, med school, pepper, soccer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlOWssPvgJI&feature=related

Labels: passion, soccer

What the holy balls, i haven't been blogging in what, ten piece of shit years?
A whole bull crap of shit has happened.
Right now the season's just begun.

Today for the first time in my entire soccer career (which very unfortunately only began late last year) i came onto the pitch, ready and really wanting to play a match.
4 hours before the match i imagined myself surging forward on the left flank after the kick-off.
I was holding the ball well, confident, composed and (unexpectedly) skillful and agile.
We were told that the match was postponed.
I was surprised that the slight tinge of happiness i felt (which came from the fact that yay we have another week to train) was overwhelmed by feelings of disappointment.
It's like SIA LA EMILY IS ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO A COMPETITION?!! WTF SIAL...
zzzz i think i lost the will to blog.

Staying to watch the SA VS JJ match was kinda, hmm how should i put it?
My language sucks la, can't express my thoughts clearly.
Ok erm, maybe i should start off with my belief in dribbling.
My favourite part of soccer is dribbling.
It allows you to exploit gaps in the opponent's defence, opens up options, increases the chances of your team scoring, minimises collision with defenders, brings up your morale, makes you unpredictable.
and because i'm a player with a lot of limitations,
e.g cannot cross cannot lift the ball wtf don't get me started.
I mostly rely on dribbling when attacking because everyone can do it if they want to.
It makes me feel happy, useful and confident.
When i saw SA play, one of their centre mids was wowhoo.
Everyone was fighting. Everyone wanted the ball.
I got more fired up.
Dribbling is an art and it's something i believe in in soccer.

On monday mr khoo put me back on the left wing, something i didn't expect.
I was constantly worried about not being able to play well up front.
I was bloody happy man
The flank feels like home. Maybe because i've been training there ever since Zidane knows when.
Once again i saw the beauty in football;
If you don't score at first, you keep trying and trying and trying and trying ...
until you do.
I realise that i rely a lot on sam and midzoom to receive my balls, shoot and complete the attack. but thats what football is about right?
Reliance, dependence, complementing one another?

I think mr khoo has a very bad impression of me.
He gives me the feeling that he thinks i am . ok shan't elaborate.
All i know is that to prove him wrong, the only thing i can do is to show him what i am on the field.
Recently, i've lost quite a bit, but i've gained quite a bit as well.
Well, in life i guess you gain some and you lose some.
and sometimes some things just hurt.
and you only have yourself to blame.

wow feels weird blogging.

Right now i'm trying to think of MI first half, what the hell went into me then?

Been watching Messi and Zidane lately in addition to the usual Ronaldinho and Kaka.
blown away, as always.
In the end, we all marvel at the beauty of it all.
It all boils down to one thing man.
Passion.
Everything else stems from it as well.

To be the best, you have to first think you are the best,
then make sure you are the best.
Are you willing to give up everything for the game?

Labels: life, motivation, nationals, passion, soccer

hiya.
first day of school
so not in the WOOOOO mood,...
however i did crack some very lame jokes about the jh kids HAHA KIDS.
to dhiya and gang. lol
i didnt gossip la. i merely came up with something called the cute-o-meter.
lol.

anw had pe at 3.
i reported to josie tan and omfg, i was so frigging anxious to go for warm up for training. i actually felt like pangsai-ing
nervous until stomach ache. tsk tsk tsk
i have a LOT to say but i really have to sleep now. training was tiring but fun .
i love it i love it I LOVE IT!
i finally got the feel to attempt to get past defenders!
though not vey successful..
mr khoo said my decision making is....
like a piece of shat.


talk more next time.
bless me ronaldinho!

Labels: dribbling, med school, soccer

tomorrows the first day of school. so dreading it.
im supposed to finish my only holiday hw by today. the subject you can guess easily from the blog address...
but i didnt do it.
time and again i failed myself.
horribly. no point complaining.
the only thing i can do now is to beg for a two week deadline extension and tell the truth and only the truth to my teachers that im sorry to have let both them and myself down again. sigh.
but one thing i am proud of is that i wont resort To copying! MUAHAHAHHA
(wonder how long i can keep that going though)
il always remember what norine told me,
"sincerity moves the heart."
so i believe that as long as i am sincere and honest i will be able to ...
extend my deadlines.
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(yep thats a HIGH PITCHED groan.)

this next sunday, i will go to school to study.
away from the laptop, away from the tv, away from the bed.
i love it when there's virtually no one in school.
especially the stands.
i dont care if i have to go for remedial lessons or stay in school till 8 everyday.
just dont make me miss my trainings.
ill do anything,
just dont take that one thing away from me.
(anyway if i stay back i can do more than at home haha)

starting tomorrow, ill try to:
1. complete majoriy of my holiday homework
2. and still keep up with school work WTF IMPOSSIBLE
3. train and be the best piece of shat player ever
4. blast hc girls balls during the friendly.
5. think less of him hahaha
6. expand the ABA lol anti-boys(except for the exceptions) association. (first reopening after the closure in secondary 2)
7. errrrrrrrrrr try not to look too stoner.
8. keep my dreams in sight.
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARHHHHHHHHHHHH

short term goals.
except for the last one.

Labels: dreams, homework, med school, soccer

wow, its 31st december, the end of 2008,
the year which ive matured most as an athlete.
the year which ive neglected my studies the most.
the year which i slept the most during lesson time.
the worst year of my entire academic life.
the year in which i lost ability to prioritise.
the year in which the gap between me and my family widened the most.
the year which i gave up on myself the most number of times.
the year which i made the most empty promises.
the year which i achieved the least amount of things.
the year which i always looked forward to going home because of my furry friend.
the year which i learnt a little about unconditional love.
the year which made me realise how selfish a person i was.
the year i nearly lost sight of my dreams.
the year i felt alone.
the year i felt like being alone.
the year i lost the will to go home.
the year i lost my furry buddy.
the year whose last few months were very fulfilling and memorable nonetheless.

i dread starting the new year without pepper.
which you were just gone on a long one and a half month holiday and would be back running around our home and bringing the love back into my life.

i have to thank so many people.
and here, i would like to apologise to all whom i have hurt with my stupid, selfish and arrogant attitude.
sorry. i know its the word i say the most number of times every day beside 'thank you', but yeah, i mean it every time i say it.

walao new year resolutions.
a.k.a promises i would not be able to keep most of the time...
shall leave it till next time.
have to attack the first of homework today.
chem retest AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SUKI SUSHI AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAJDSKNMCNMNM,NXM,C

Labels: alone, apologies, dreams, introvert me, med school, pepper, soccer

i love the fact that for 90 minutes in a rectangular piece of grass people can forget, hopefully, whatever might be going on in their lives and rejoice in this communal celebration of humanity.

Labels: dreams, passion, soccer