just random thoughts:
i don't know you anymore.
the only things that will stay with me forever are a dog's love and the love for a dog.
as the days go by, the more i want time to stop, the more suppressed i feel by each moment, the more defeated i feel



on tuesday, the day i dread would come
i will not let negative thoughts affect my performance.
i will not let my team down
i will not disgrace the sport.
i will be a man
i will carry and support my team
i will see the beauty in soccer.
i will be incredible.
we will be incredible.

today i answered a question in which ive always had many answers to.
why am i training so hard?
it suddenly dawned on me that more importantly, it was because i wanted to be the best left winger i can be for the team.
very simple, very ordinary, nothing special. but i guess that was what was driving me forward, besides my love for the sport.

like what ryan giggs said when he played his last international match,
"I hope this match will never end...",
i hope this match will never end.






really hate to think of what to do after tuesday.

Labels: friends, pepper, soccer

Recently i've been thinking quite a lot.
Amongst the sea of random thoughts and reflections, i thought of the future.
Not that i have never thought of it, but i just never thought of it to be simple, easy and carefree. Is it because i have just lived through possibly the worst week of my life that the sudden realization of how beautiful simplicity is keeps resonating in my mind?

I live in alone in an apartment with my beloved furry buddy.
In the day i work as a research scientist, dedicating my life to scientific research.
On some nights, i attend the usual club trainings, still enjoying every bit of the sport i love.
One day hopefully, Prince Charming would chance upon me and we would live happily ever after.

Labels: future, med school, pepper, soccer

wow, its 31st december, the end of 2008,
the year which ive matured most as an athlete.
the year which ive neglected my studies the most.
the year which i slept the most during lesson time.
the worst year of my entire academic life.
the year in which i lost ability to prioritise.
the year in which the gap between me and my family widened the most.
the year which i gave up on myself the most number of times.
the year which i made the most empty promises.
the year which i achieved the least amount of things.
the year which i always looked forward to going home because of my furry friend.
the year which i learnt a little about unconditional love.
the year which made me realise how selfish a person i was.
the year i nearly lost sight of my dreams.
the year i felt alone.
the year i felt like being alone.
the year i lost the will to go home.
the year i lost my furry buddy.
the year whose last few months were very fulfilling and memorable nonetheless.

i dread starting the new year without pepper.
which you were just gone on a long one and a half month holiday and would be back running around our home and bringing the love back into my life.

i have to thank so many people.
and here, i would like to apologise to all whom i have hurt with my stupid, selfish and arrogant attitude.
sorry. i know its the word i say the most number of times every day beside 'thank you', but yeah, i mean it every time i say it.

walao new year resolutions.
a.k.a promises i would not be able to keep most of the time...
shall leave it till next time.
have to attack the first of homework today.
chem retest AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SUKI SUSHI AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAJDSKNMCNMNM,NXM,C

Labels: alone, apologies, dreams, introvert me, med school, pepper, soccer

omgomg eight below is showing on monday at 7pm!
i cant miss that!
alkdlasjdklasjdaklsjlakjlaskjlaksjdaslsa
ok i just set an alarm on my hp to remind myself .

i actually have a lot to say man, but im really too darn lazy to type out everything that has been going on in my life for the past two days and how i feel about them.
zzzzzzzzzz
where shall i start...
wow i realise that every time i want to blog about training, negative thoughts start filling my mind because i really dont think anything i did that was praiseworthy. im dead serious, not trying to be modest or whatever.
today is quite the perfect example.
walao eh first we played some defence attack thingy and i was literally a useless piece of shit...
didnt do much except mostly observed how zhongying held the ball with such composure i can only dream of having sigh.
then we played 7v7 on a skinny strip of grass
bloody challenging(for me at least) because i admit im a dumb player.
couldnt even trap the ball properly wtf
bloody slow.
i cant put it in words.
just why do i lose everything when im under pressure?
like during important races in the past, i sometimes give up on myself. bloody disappointing.
i really hope that its not because i have fear of competitions or whatever shit.
i doubt so la its just that i dont have skill composure talent brains on the field.
(which is basically everything)
well, dont exactly know what else to say,
just that i kind
dont want to disappoint mr khoo
dont want to feel useless
dont want err continue tmr. was watching ronaldinho on youtube again haha

Labels: motivation, pepper, soccer

hi my watch tan seems to be fading, or is it just me?
must train more under the hot sun lol
weather has been too damned good recently.
had training today i deproved after only 3 days without field arrrrrgggggggggggh
i always become majorly disappointed with myself after every field training.
looking forward to one where i actually emerge proud of myself.
did loads of shooting today. still cant get it right dammit
tmr gonna go early to practice with hiongy.
played slapjack till we nearly died laughing.
i realised that niao laughs silently. HAHAHA. but she sure does laugh hard man.
and wtf yitong laughed like a piece of shit. so did everyone else.
thanks to stupid mistakes hiongy made.
the team is always so cheery, working hard is all worth it.

read marley and me on the bus this morning again.
had to really stifle those little giggles.
hehehe really brought back fond memories of my bundle of joy, pepper.
even attempted to come up with a book title(of an imaginary book i wrote about pepper)
Pepperoni
Pepper and I (LOL COPYCAT MAN)
Pepper the Man
Pepper the Dog
A Peace of Pepper
ok lame an uncreative... nvm
heres some pictures for your viewing pleasure.
i realised i have never uploaded a picture of him on my blog before.















you grew from this...




















to this... (this was when your fur got shaved off by roston lim at some groomer's ...)
















here you look like a friggin plush toy.
soccer+dog=very happy me
















going out for a walk... bet you couldnt wait for the photo to be taken so you can go on yet another of those monstrous 100km/h runs with me struggling like a piece of hit behind -.-




















the bloody tired look after a run is characterised by bloodshot eyes, heavy eyelids, ginormous tongue dangling out of mouth like nobody's business, heavy panting and a lot of sweat...




















man i love this picture. shows me torturing you with my endless acts of affection.




















walao, act sexy...




















ok you look like you just chewed on my shoe again.




















oh man. bathe then sleep, what a slacker.

















haha i knew you were going to jump up.




















bet you already forgot me...
but i will continue to dream of the day when i finally bump into you at ecp or pasir ris.
wanted to type three words, but i shall not be too mushy

1am now tmr fitness.
next week gonna play with soccerpioneers at rv! hahaha
aman called me noobpie i think its a damn cute name. suits me well.
HAHAHA JKJK

Labels: laugh like a piece of shit, love, pepper, soccer