I'm the cutie pie! weeee

2012-01-15T15:57:00.002+08:00

有梦就去追

2012-01-13T00:21:00.003+08:00

If i could describe today, i would describe it as exhilarating.

After being held back for so long by my weaknesses, i finally got a chance to move around with the ball and run around without feeling that i have to stay back.

I felt like a beast unleashed.

I only ate 3 pieces of kueh lapis in the morning and had bubble tea and 2 chunks of fish on skewers in the afternoon.

No proper meal and not much carbohydrates(not much right?) but i managed to run my ass off.

Though i made many mistakes and rarely got the ball/made good passes, i am just thankful for the chance.

If you would just tell me that you would mould me into who i want to be,...

2012-01-09T02:05:00.002+08:00

Challenge Accepted.

2011-10-06T23:27:00.003+08:00

...because i have yet to achieve the targets that i have set for myself.

Was this what made you decide to let me stay for now?

Whatever the reason is, I'll make sure that you didn't make the wrong decision.

Attitude doesn't necessarily breed results,

but attitude creates opportunities.

2011-09-07T23:52:00.000+08:00

Come on, you're better than this.
You're much better than this!

2011-08-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

I want to be a better player.
I want to be a great player.

2011-07-19T01:27:00.002+08:00

Moments Like These...

I scored two goals today!!!
Finally got to play as an attacker.

I think the feeling of scoring a goal on behalf of ten other people is probably one of the best feelings in the world.
I did miss some chances and i felt that the second goal was a really lucky one.
But for the first time, as i glided past the defender and cut through the air on the flank while chasing after that round magical object, i felt that i was fast.
I felt like i could actually make something out of nothing.
I felt powerful for that brief few seconds.
I felt that this was me.

But then again, we fought against a weaker team and anyone else would probably be able to score if they were played as a striker.
Nonetheless, i am immensely grateful to coach for giving me the opportunity to play as a striker for thirty minutes.
These thirty minutes of my life will be something worth reminiscing ten years down the road.

2011-07-15T00:42:00.005+08:00

LATEST CRAZE

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SOOOOOO CHARMING!
If i were to attend his fanmeet, i would probably either faint or start sobbing when i shake his hand.

2011-06-30T00:40:00.002+08:00

You wrapped your arm around your belly and your cheeks were flushed.
You were laughing so hard that your face cringed.
Your laughter is so precious i couldn't help but stare.

Your unwavering fortitude,
Your relentless spirit.

2011-06-24T00:26:00.002+08:00

Why

Why can't it be that serial killer who hasn't been caught?
Why can't it be the pervert who snapped upskirt photos?
Why can't it be that bastard who used a chain to slash Wander's face?
Why can't it be the fucker who skinned a dog alive on the streets of China?
Why can't it be one of the assholes who poured acid on women's faces for no bloody reason?

2011-06-15T23:27:00.007+08:00

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

Went to check out the mws&f fb page and realised that the people whom i talked to on Monday are professional photographers!
There's only one picture that i like because a part of me is in it! HAHAHA ok actually i like it because Heli, Jacky and Kiki were all looking at me.
I think it is a beautiful picture.
I was also mentioned in their post:
The girl who brought us around spoke with an endless spark of enthusiasm amid the endless barking of excited dogs.

HAHAHA i am happy.
The feeling of anonymity also adds to my happiness because it tickles me when i imagine that i am the only one in the whole world who knows the exact identity of the girl.
and... 'the girl' was smiling her ass off when she saw the above picture HEEHEE.

(credits to click! photog, check out the rest of the album here)

2011-06-14T00:48:00.006+08:00

If I had a Superhuman Ability

I bet most of us would have thought about this.
So, if i could have a special power, what would it be?

I used to want to have the ability to heal.
You know, like in movies where the person waves his/her hands across some sick person's heart/over a stab wound and some mystical light radiates from his/her hands and viola!
The blind sees, the deaf hears and the lame walks.
Amazing, isn't it? Or more like beautiful, isn't it?
If i had this ability, i would lead a nomadic life and travel around the world healing the deserving and the poor first before i heal the rich.
(then comes the question of who is more deserving?we might have to do some form of means-testing...)
I didn't think about how lonely i would be for the rest of my meaningful life then.
Won't i get tired of this? Until i finally think of myself as a 'tool' sent by the gods?

I also thought of having the ability to fly.
It could be the best gift or the most useless ability.
In the dead of the night i would drape myself in a piece of black cloth, open my windows and leap off with my eyes closed.
And then when i open them, the never-ending expanse of blue greets me, like an old friend i turn to when i am troubled.
On alternate nights i become someone known as The Shadow. I patrol the cities and prevent a crime before it happens.
I drop pebbles on soon-to-be criminals and along with an envelope containing a note with a single sentence: You have a choice.
I steal victims away at lightning speed if the situation calls for it.
I do this till the day someone decides to lay a trap for me and i get busted.
Then...

I also thought of whether i wanted to have the ability to read minds.
This was a major dilemma.
I imagined myself being bombarded with people's pervy thoughts and realised that it would only be useful if i also had the ability to selectively read minds.
But then again, i would be too preoccupied with trying to do things that would avoid conflicts/please others.
What if i am made aware of terrible schemes that people have in mind?
Do i get involved or do i adopt the stance of a bystander and embrace the possibility of regretting my decision for the rest of my life?
I will be inundated with someone else's problems for the rest of my life.

The ability to control time is probably the most useful ability for me right now.
I can undo all the things i have done, or would i?
Since time is no longer of value to me.

How about mind control?
I would be playing God all the time doing all the things that i think would be best in any situation.
I don't think i would ever use this to make some major changes.
I'll probably just take things step by step and gain more knowledge and eventually consult the right people before making what i think is the best decision.
Sometimes, my impulsiveness would get the better of me and i might end up making someone who is smoking swallow his cigarette stick.
Alright, i would probably be doing this on a regular basis.

To end off, i also thought of having the ability to communicate with animals.
I never really thought about this until a few months ago.
It would be pretty interesting and useful combined with mind control since i will be able to force the governor to come up with a new policy(which then again, might not necessarily be a better policy).

Maybe that's why we were all born without such abilities.
We are all vulnerable.
To make ourselves stronger and to protect the ones(human or beast) we love, we can only build up on what we have.

2011-06-02T11:12:00.001+08:00

What We See.

I have a big red pimple on my cheek.

2011-06-01T23:34:00.008+08:00

What We Don't See.

Today marks the second time i shadowed a strayfeeder.
This time, the sun was still up, and i could see every face and every movement perfectly well.

It was 6pm, i hopped onto the rear seat of her car.
We drove deep into the area.
At the first stop, there were 3 puppies. They seemed to be around 5 months old.
There were packs of rice left where we found them, but they were untouched.
We walked towards them but they scampered away from us.
We left the food there and drove deeper in.

At the second stop, we had to jump over a wide drain to get to the field where the 4 dogs were.
I was afraid that i would fall and had a hard time getting across while she jumped over without hesitation.
She is a middle-aged lady.
Her slipper fell into the drain. It sunk into the muddy and murky water.
I told her i would get her slipper while she left the food on the field.
With my left hand and my legs pressed against the opposite sides of the drain and i looked down into the drain.
I was a coward. I couldn't see the slipper and i had to dig for it.
I deliberated for about ten seconds.
Thoughts of a water snake made me retract my hand several times before i finally dug my hand in and felt around for what seemed like the strap of a slipper.
I tossed the slipper to her and she jumped across the drain.
I couldn't get up from my awkward position.
She pulled my right hand and i recovered.

We spotted a mass of something in the middle of a straight road.
He was lying on his side with his head facing away from traffic.
As the vehicle got nearer, the mass lifted his head and turned around to look at us.
He didn't bother to run onto the pavement to avoid us.
He got up nonchalantly and scampered to the pavement when we honked at him.
We got off the car. I got a good look at him.
He resembled Ricky; brown fur with pointy ears, ... but their eyes were different.
Ricky's eyes lit up whenever someone entered the kennel and he would wag his curly tail and lie down for a belly rub.
His, however, were devoid of hope.
I know this is really subjective but that was what i saw when our gazes met.
What the hell was he thinking when he decided to lie down in the middle of a road???

We drove further in, windows winded down to catch a glimpse of anyone that we might possibly miss on the way.
In the distance, i saw the silhouettes of a few HDB flats.
Flats with people in them. People who had a roof above their heads. People who had food to eat.
After making a right turn, we saw them.
There were about 12 of them.
Vagabonds.
They scurried to and fro across the road. Heavy vehicles drove pass honking away.
She took 3 packets and placed them across the road from where the car was parked.
I took the remaining 3 and placed them along the pavement.
I walked slowly towards this brown fellow.
He looked pretty young.
I put down the last packet. He was staring at me all the time.
She said they would eat after we leave.
I backed away slowly while he advanced cautiously.
We were staring at each other.
That look on his face was a look i have never seen on Razzy's, Heli's, Face's or Lex's face.
And i am very thankful for that because it was a look of desolation.
He approached the food packet and sniffed around.
When we made a U-turn and drove back, he followed us for a short distance.

When one of them passes away, no one grieves over his/her loss.
When a beggar on the street dies, whoever spots the body shakes it a little before realising that this is it. This is death.

edit<
I totally forgot about what i wanted to say.
That is, thank you to all the strayfeeders out there.
For your dedication and commitment.
For giving without asking for anything in return.
>

Last year when i just joined the Society of PCA, i was very enthusiastic about every opportunity to help out at sales events and to fill up the shelter's duty roster.
Gradually i started helping out less and less with their sales events i gave up asking my friends to buy their mechandise. I became more preoccupied with the friends i have made there.
The main reason why i am still going there now starts with the letter R.
Not Responsibility, but Razzmatazz.

2011-05-17T23:09:00.005+08:00

A Dead Cat.

Yesterday i stumbled upon a carcass in the cattery...

I was washing the catteries that morning as per normal.
Armed with the water hose in one hand, i went around wetting the third cattery and terrorizing all the cats. As i proceeded to hose down the individual kennels, i noticed this cat lying on his(i am not sure of its gender) side amongst the poo piles.
He was so still and his eyes were blank. Couldn't see the iris.
They looked like green marbles.
He didn't budge when water was sprayed near him.
Damn, something feels wrong.

I put down the hose and squatted down.
I nudged him on the shoulder. He was dead.
His body was so stiff i couldn't have mistaken.
It wasn't soft like how all the other cats felt like when you carried/stroked them.
Then i went out to get disposable gloves and newspapers to carry him out.
I tried to close his eyes but failed. His body wasn't cold, neither was it warm.
All i know was that it was really stiff and lifeless.
His limbs didn't dangle freely, it was like branches on a tree.
Then i thought about dead people.
It's definitely not a good feeling to touch a carcass and to realise that whatever has happened is irreversible.
It's not disgusting per se but the feeling of utter helplessness is pretty overwhelming.
I didn't know this cat, but what if, just what if, one day someone i cared for died in front of me?

After putting him in a garbage bag, i grieved over his loss for about ten seconds.
Then, i moved on with life.
It was almost similar to passing by a void-deck funeral and looking at the photo of someone you have never seen in your life or reading about the tragic death of someone in the newspapers.
We move on after a walking few steps in the former, and we move on after finishing the article in the latter.

Just a brief recount of my first encounter touching a carcass that is not an invertebrate.

2011-05-01T18:48:00.009+08:00

Why I Like Wu3 Xia2 Ju4s. (PART I)

I like to imagine myself being in dramas like this because they are very different from reality.
You can train up your martial arts from young and be a heroic villain by stealing from corrupted officials and subsequently distributing the loot to the poor.
Or, in the case of a fantasy drama, you can have magical powers! You can fight demons, meet deities and FLY!

One of the dramas that i have recently watched is this drama called "Holy Pearl".
Basically, it is based on the anime Inuyasha. The ending is not a happy one though. I decided to watch it because of the element of fantasy in it and also because i'm a fan of Gillian Chung who is one of the lead actors. However after a while, i got bored the story arc of the protagonists and found myself skipping to parts of the video which contain scenes of the supporting actors Wu2 Dao4 and Yu3 Die2. ('Yu Die' is a really nice name, i would love be Lin2 Yu3 Die2 instead of Lin2 Hui4 Yan4...)
Wudao's character is Sesshomaru in the anime while Yudie plays Rin's character. [SPOILERS AHEAD]

Wudao is the King of the Dragon race and Yudie is a princess who escaped from her country and met Wudao along the way.
Wudao's personality is extremely cold-hearted and merciless. He was a perfectionist who was never happy and he never smiled... until he met Yudie.

But in the drama Wudao and Yudie have an undying love for each other.
The following screenshots are taking from episode 22 off Youtube.
Yudie has been hit by the god of demons and she is dying. They find a scroll containing the cure to her illness(caused by excessive demonic aura). The scroll, however, is written in a language that only Yudie can read because she is the princess of the country that the scroll originated from.
She read out 'all' the ingredients and her friends, including Wudao, set off to find them while she waits with he sworn sister.
She cries and tells her sister that there is one ingredient missing. It is also the key ingredient. Her sister begs her to tell her what it is.
She sobs and answers that it is 'long2 dan1' that they are missing. I presume it's some important organ in a dragon's body.
She begs her sister to keep it a secret because she didn't want Wudao to sacrifice himself for her and neither did she want him to kill another dragon to save her life.
Selflessness. ahhhh....
The current formula without that key ingredient could only prolong her life by a day.
When Wudao and the rest came back with the ingredients, she told him that she would like to spend the whole day with him tomorrow.

She holds his hand and skips happily to the lake.
Wudao looks at how happy she looks and we can all tell he loves her. *swoonssssssssss

He puts his arms around her. It is his first time doing so.

She leans on him and the picturesque scenery before them contrasts the sad truth that his love will not live past tonight.

She tells him that today is the happiest day of her life.

He tells her that today is also the happiest day of his life.(he is an immortal who has lived for 1500 years and this adds to impact of his words)

He says that he was never happy because of his constant pursuit for the dragon race to return to their position as deities and not demons and also because he was too caught up with exterminating his half-brother(Inuyasha) whom he thinks is a disgrace to entire dragon clan.

He goes on to say that after she is well, he would not find the god of demons for revenge as it was he who made him realise how much he loved her.

Her tears flow down her cheeks like beads of a broken necklace.(REMEMBER THIS DESCRIPTIVE PHRASE THAT WE ALWAYS USE IN OUR CHINESE COMPOSITIONS?????)
What makes it heart-wrenching is that this gloomy person has finally opened up his heart and found the woman of his dreams and now, she only has one day to live.

"When you are better, let's travel around the world and visit every mountain."
He looks forward to his future with her, unaware that will remain a reverie that will never come to fruition.

Just when he prepares to spend his entire life with her, she had to die.
She was the sunshine of his life, his beacon of light.
She crumbles inside; disappointed that she will not be part of his future but overjoyed to know that he loves her as much as she does or maybe even more.

This is tearing up my heart. No, it is shredding it to pieces.

Nigh falls and Yudie is dying.

She lies that the scroll stated that there is no known cure for her illness and that the medicine they brewed could only sustain her for another day. He is shocked upon realising that he is losing her.

The tears of someone who never knew what love was like. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh./:

She tells him to smile because he is always not smiling.
She tells him to live on happily.

He sobs as she breathes her last breath, catching her hand as she loses her grip on him.

DAMN.IT.

I HATE THIS !!!!! TEN MORE EPISODES TO GO WITHOUT THEM!!
I hate it that she has to leave just when he started to express how much he loves her.

After that i skipped to the last three episodes.
In the last episode, the god of demons was defeated and Yudie became a butterfly that followed him around as he lived his life with her in solitude away from the rest of the world. She lived on in his heart and also in the form of a butterfly.
BUT IT STILL SUCKS..ASDKJKSDJKLASDJLASD

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW CAN THIS BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2011-04-13T01:37:00.001+08:00

My next post will be on my fetish for kung fu dramas (with hot guys).

Why I Like Wu3 Xia2 Ju4s.

2011-04-11T21:11:00.001+08:00

zzzzzz doomed for the test tomorrow...

Why I am still kicking.

2011-04-07T23:19:00.004+08:00

Why I am still kicking.

Ok actually, the question can be interpreted as "Why did i join nus soccer?" or, "Why am i still in soccer?".

Frankly, i don't really know the real answer to that.
Passion? Yes, but it i don't have as much desire in me as i used to have two years ago.(ok, it's not as much, but it's still a pretty substantial amount in comparison)
Two/three years ago, i had a different feeling. I wanted us to participate in Nationals to bloody badly. I wanted every single one of us to be committed and dedicated to the team. I wanted to be the best left winger i could be for the team. I wanted us to be the best that we could be in the few months that we had. I wanted us to have all the trainings under a teacher that we could possibly have.
Now, i feel pressurised whenever a match comes up because i am the weakest link in the team.
Whenever coach gives me yet another valuable opportunity to play as a right back, i feel pressurised to perform. My heart pumps hard against my chest. So hard that i can feel it.
But i know this feeling stems from the fact that my team mates are all much better than me. In terms of skills, intelligence, experience and mindset. They are superior in every aspect. I know whenever i dread playing in a match it is because i feel that i will make another deadly mistake and let everyone down. This stress that i feel is because i am still not good enough. That is why i have to work harder. Harder than anyone else because i lack the talent and the brains. I acknowledge this fact and so sometimes i will train on my own.(so far only twice or thrice la HAHA)
Recently, my friend told me that she is going to quit.
I was taken aback at her decision. It was something that i never saw coming(especially from her).
Then, it dawned on me that, hey, i actually had a choice whether or not i wanted to join soccer and whether or not i wanted to remain in this team.
Subsequently, i realised that to me, it was never a choice.
I never had to hesitate to make this decision. I never had to put in effort to even think about it.
It never crossed my mind in the first place.
After 'A' levels, when we were all thinking about what we should join.
To me it was just "soccer lor, if i can get pass the trials, that is.".
Now, as much as i hate being the weakest link, i have not thought of stopping.
Maybe someday next semester or next year i might. I don't know.
But right now, i cannot imagine life without trainings, soccer, the field, the ball, getting scolded by my seniors, getting reprimanded by arasu, the feeling of utter euphoria when i make a good move, the way the ball moves when my feet touches it ... ... I cannot forget how alive i feel in my boots.
I want to be involved in this. I still want to be here.

2011-03-29T00:37:00.003+08:00

Today i scored a goal!
HAHAHA
But it wasn't during a match.
Just during a 5v5 drill.
Coach said to end at 9pm so we decided to end after either team scored a goal.
So when i scored, i was elated. I was happy because it's sort of like a crucial goal that has to be scored during a match.
(and also because i was pretty hungry and thirsty.)
So yay.
good night!

2011-03-27T11:47:00.008+08:00

Weil was telling me how 'emo' razzy seems to be and how he doesn't seem to be as excitable and as 'happy' as he used to be in the past.

It kind of affected me.

I couldn't exactly do much to help him. I didn't know what he wanted. I didn't know if he was happy.
He may seem happy to see us or when he sees a treat but is he truly happy?
so i decided to go down to see him today..
I saw this volunteer who does dog walking on weekends and she was also the same person whom i always see scratching Razzy from outside the kennel. She too, like me, have yet to enter his kennel without the fear of being nipped.

But today i came with a purpose.
Having borrowed this book yesterday, the familiar words that Cesar Milan always used -- 'calm and assertive energy' ricocheted through my mind.
(I am aware that there are many out there who do not agree with his training methods.)

On my way there, i was telling myself how i should feel less tensed and nervous when i am thinking of entering his kennel as this negative energy can be felt by the dog just like how we can feel their negative energy when they hit the red zone or are on the verge of entering the red zone.
(I apologise if i am saying conceptually wrong stuff because i am no expert(i hope to be one though))

Armed with some treats that i brought, we both decided to take turns to enter his kennel.
One thing about razz is that his attention is always fixated on food whenever he sees/smells one. I went in empty-handed and was pretty confident that he would be distracted by my friend holding the treat outside.
True enough, he was!
In fact, he was entirely focused on her. i petted him and got her to treat him as i did so.
When she finished the treats, i remained in his kennel. Gradually he became calmer and reverted to his usual 'i'm lying down, give me a belly rub' state. pretty submissive and less excitable. He was also visibly more relaxed.
I was also glad that i managed to let go of all the tension/anxiety i had in me.
I was glad that i was able to stay in his kennel and shower him with some tender loving care without fear for the first time in a year.
I went out and i gave him the entire chicken stick treat without breaking it into smaller pieces(in hopes of helping him to associate me being in the kennel with him as a good thing and to reward his good behavior(for being calm and not nipping)).

I went in the second time and after a while, i started to sense that he was getting a little more excited. (this is when you kind of know when the nipping will start)
Immediately, i stood up, signaled for him to sit, got him to lay down and finally did a pawshake. i just tried to shift his focus away from nipping to basic obedience? I don't know, but it helped. after he did what he was commanded, i showered him with praises and then bent down to kiss him heehehehe then i got out after awhile.
Then my friend went in and again, after awhile he started to nip at her leg. So i called out to him from outside the kennel and got him to do the basic commands while she exited.

The third and last time that i went in, he was munching on the treats. I took it from him and got him to do the same few commands a couple of times and rewarded him as he did them. That was all.
It's a huge step he is making. and i hope that he will continue to progress.
As his pack member (haha), i hope to progress together with him and finally watch him end up with a family who loves him much more than i do.
My next step would be to do this even when my friend is not around.

I realised that it is wrong to treat a dog like a human.
Sometimes(or most of the time) affection from us is merely a means to satisfy ourselves.(according to Cesar)
However, i do believe in the bond between humans and dogs.

Dear Razzy,

I wish i could communicate with animals so that i will know exactly what you are thinking and from there, i would be able to understand you better.

I hope, ok no, i know someone special will come by one day for you.
He/she will look deeply into your brown soulful eyes.
Your gazes would interlock.
Then, the background fades to black and the sounds and smells dissipate to nothingness.
You both will then realise that in this world, only you can make him/her happy, only him/her deserves your unwavering loyalty and only him/her deserves a dog like you.

He/she will bring you to places you have never been to before, let you sniff at grass that is yours and only yours to pee and defecate on, provide you with stimulating toys and bring you on walks along the railway tracks as you both watch the sun set together.
You bark ferociously at the train when it comes because you see it as a threat to him/her.
At the beach, you run off-leash but eventually, after sniffing out every single human and dog there, you find your way back to him/her.
You both go home, take a bath together then fall asleep on the couch while waiting for your fur and his/hair to dry.

Is that what you want too?
Or is that just what i want for you?

Love,
me.

2011-03-27T01:15:00.002+08:00

Two days ago, i dreamt that i stumbled upon two black cats doing it.

somehow, i found out that they have not been sterilized yet.
then i covered my face with my palm and groaned, "arrrrrrrrrgh , shit.".
i went forward and tried to pull the black cat on the top off the other black cat and then it ended.

------

2011-03-17T23:28:00.002+08:00

i think i know why i like facebook.

if there ever is a function or setting that allows the user to check who has seen his/her profile and the number of times this person has viewed his/her profile...

some things will be revealed about me:
1. I AM A SCARY SILENT STALKER. triple s.
2. i change my 'victims' every month or so.
3. I AM A CRAZY STALKER.
4. I CAN BE OBSERVED TO VISIT THE TARGET'S PAGE AN AVERAGE OF TEN TIMES A DAY DURING PEAK 'SEASON'.
shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

on a side note, i will be attending my very first Taekwondo lesson next Friday!!!
so i can be less of a paranoid and my goal would be to be able to beat up animal abusers if i ever see catch any. there's a plethora of other reasons though, just no 'main' reason.
1. i wish to go on solo cycling trips and not constantly think of how someone would pounce on me from the bushes and rape me...
2. i want to be able to walk home in the night in a dress/skirt without the fear of someone hooking my neck from behind then rape/murder/kidnap me.
3. i want to be able hunt thieves/robbers/burglars/shoplifters down like a wolf if i ever catch one, that is.
4. opens up another window of opportunity should i decide to pursue a career in the police K9 unit.(i am not joking)
5. to protect myself and the ones i care for should the need arise.
6. to be more courageous.
7. i've been wanting to do this since i was in primary school.
8. build up leg muscles(hopefully they don't look too big) -> can kick further and with more power(which i lack and uncle sam advises me to train my long kicks) = killing two birds with a stone.

lastly,
i am starting to reduce my meat intake to poultry only.
or rather just chicken.
slowly, i will try to reduce it to thrice a week, then twice a week, then once a week...

2011-03-17T18:35:00.003+08:00

Just got up from a nap.

I dreamt that while waiting for my Subway sandwich to get heated up, i noticed flames emerging from one of the metal frames at the counter. I alerted the counter staff and advised her to put out the flame immediately. To my horror, she jokingly said it was "nothing one la" and even held a naked flame(from an external source which looked like a some green spray can) to it. being pyrophobic(actually i just can't start a fire with anything but matchsticks and i will go crazy if i have to sit beside a gas tank), i ran out of the mrt station and in my mind i was imagining that that vent was connected to every gas pipe in the area and maybe the world. as i was running, i realised that everyone ran as well. I also overheard Wilber Pan(yes, the taiwan artiste) saying that he could "smell so much gas in the air". when i reached a traffic junction, there was a crowd of about 500 people trying to get across. i shouted to everyone, "IF YOU CAN'T GET FURTHER THAN THIS CROSSING JUST RUN TO YOUR LEFT OR RIGHT. SPREAD OUT HORIZONTALLY INSTEAD OF VERTICALLY!!! JUST GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS YOU CAN!!!" then i ran and i ran... i remembered thrusting 2 people forward along the way so that they would run faster.
It's not the first time that i have a dream like this.
and time and again, i have proven that i am the kind of person who would save myself first when a real disaster strikes. i can never be the hero that i want to be. i really only care about myself.(too much)

In my second dream, i joined a dance troupe and i told my 3 group mates that i couldn't dance at all. throughout the dream, i was following them around and i met other new friends. everyone was donning themed costumes complete with heavy make-up. everyone had their respective groups. i was wearing this really long beige dress and i tripped while i was walking down this flight of stairs and bumped into the wall beside me. i felt so uneasy and i felt that i was trying too hard. i was trying too hard to fit into a mould that was made for someone else. i could never express myself through dance and drama. it was tiring to just see people twirl around on the stage executing sleek/graceful moves. it was tiring to see people completely immersed in their own world, which was unfortunately, different from mine. it was tiring because i know that i can never achieve whatever standards that i set for myself in this troupe. i was desperately asking them if there were any other things i could do such as costume designing, prop designing or logistics. then, it ended.
i never got around to knowing how i would have dealt with being in that world and/or being the weakest being there.
well, i do know a lot about being the weakest link,
but that will be another blog post.

2011-02-27T19:35:00.001+08:00

2011-02-26T22:18:00.006+08:00

ok a couple of days ago, i came to the conclusion that Lex is a Bernese Mountain Dog mix because this is a BMD:

and this is my buddy!!!!!!!!!!!111:

doesn't make a difference anyway. oh well.

2011-01-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

it's been a week since i sprained my ankle.

i BLOODY HATE TO GET SPORTS INJURIES.
i have never gotten any other injury except for a toe injury which was inflicted by this other player when she jumped on my toe during a tackle.
that took about two weeks to completely heal.
and the only thin i couldn't do was shoot with my right foot.

mike!
now i can't make a decent pass with my left foot, can't tilt it inwards to control before passing, can't shuffle properly uneven ground, can't shoot or cross with my left foot, etc etc
whenever i hear that someone sprained his/her ankle, i didn't think it was that serious.
i thought that it would heal in a couple of days but dammit NO.
my friend told me that it takes bloody long to completely heal.
and zzzzzzzzzzz

mikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i want to see a sinseh

2011-01-01T01:24:00.003+08:00

so 2010 finally came to an end.
the past three years have been the worst 3 years of my life.
setback after setback after setback. all of which were but the results of my actions.

just a couple of days ago, i was looping this korean song(i have bad music taste, i only listen to male singers/groups/bands ...) on the music player while on the train.
as i closed my eyes and thought back about whatever that i have encountered, all that came to my mind was all the regret, the guilt and then the regret again.
i hate being an underachiever, i hate being the one whom no one would expect to ever succeed.
even my closest friends think that it is a given if i fail.
it would be a miracle if i succeed.
i don't want to live like that anymore.
i've been saying this for the longest time but it's true.
i desperately want myself to change but yet, i am not sure if i can really do that.
i refuse to believe that this is what i am capable of.
this may be my limit, the furthest that i can go.
but i will never admit it.

this time round i will stop thinking so far ahead.
i will stop complaining about being in a course that i dislike.
i will shut the fuck up.

2010-12-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

"I don't take it as a job, i take it as a mission"

2010-11-30T23:18:00.003+08:00

hilarious piece of shit!!!!
innit innit !?

2010-11-27T00:50:00.002+08:00

exams are over.

anyway i went over to mdm wong's on wednesday.
reached at around 530 but yeah. i walked in on popo and uncle r preparing food.
i looked down at popo bending over the pail of chicken breast.
her white roots were spreading out, almost symbolical of age catching up on her.
her hair was a little longer than it was four months ago.
other than that, she was still the same woman i respect.
sorry no description of uncle r and ah yong because they still look pretty youthful and energetic. HAHA

she looked up, "AIYO EMBERLENE AHHHH NI LAI LE! AIYOO WO MEN HEN XIANG NI LEH, AIOOO. WO MEN YI ZHI JIANG NI QU NA LI LE.. NI YOU MEI YOU XIANG WO MEN?"

how do you want me to say that when i get vexed sometimes, i close my eyes and think of heli?(sounds sick...)
how do you want me to say that i got paranoid and starting imagining that maybe when i go visit you again, you wouldn't be there?(touch wood)

i did miss the place and the people there.

"you, wo hen xiang na ge gou, ye hen xiang nii hahaha", i teared a little as i saw the smile on her face.

i went off to say hi to the gang.
HOLY FATS! TIMTIM IS REALLLLY ENJOYING LIFE MAN. HE GOT SIGNIFICANTLY FATTER.
after a good belly rub, i proceeded to meet with the rest of the gang.
at the end of the aisle, i saw the silhouettes of them waiting at the gate, wagging their tails away.
i ran to the end and they erupted into a never-ending series of happy barks.
(so noisy)(but i like)(HAHA)
i went in and they starting jumping up, ahhhh they do recognise me!
jackie seemed to have recovered from his fits and appears to be the alpha male of the first pack now. (ah lau retired)(haha)
i am so thankful that i am not forgotten, even the usual nonchalant ah lau came over to say hi. heli was overjoyed(ok more like I was overjoyed) her ears were pulled back and she jumped up again and again. aw man i really like her a lot. the little stub at the end of her body was wagging like a vibrator. oooooo so cute!!!!!
i went further in to lex and belle's place and lex really just wanted all the attention. i spent the time giving him a good chest scratch and occasional headbutts. long time no see eh?

if i could describe that brief 15 minutes or so, i would describe it as magical.
i've never felt so dearly missed by people that much.
in the past they saw me so often until they probably got sick of me.
"walao why this girl keep coming in to touch me..."
but today it was all smiles, licks, jumps and wagging tails.

thank you, popo and gang, i received so much more than i gave.

2010-11-18T23:03:00.003+08:00

Came across this story of a very special chimpanzee.
Basically, listverse sums the story up as follows:

Let me tell you the story of Oliver the Chimp. In 1960, Oliver was acquired as a young animal by trainers Frank and Janet Berger. Supposedly, the chimp was caught in the Democratic Republic of Congo and sold on the exotic animal black market. In appearance, Oliver clearly stands out in a group of male chimpanzees, as he has many human-like features. He looks nothing like a normal Common Chimpanzee and holds a flatter face. Oliver is a habitually bipedal animal. He has always walked upright and never moved on his knuckles like other chimps. He holds a bizarre pointed ear shape, freckles and a bald head. The Berger’s raised Oliver until 1977, when he was sold to Ralph Helfer and put on public display in a sideshow. In a 2006 interview with the Discovery Channel, Janet Berger claimed that she sold Oliver after he started tying to mate with her.

This had led to the speculation that Oliver prefers human females over chimpanzees. In fact, other chimpanzees that have been placed in the same cage with Oliver avoid him at all cost. After spending seventeen years with the creature, Janet Berger believes that his physical and behavioral tendencies point to a different origin, perhaps a human-chimp hybrid. In the early 1980s, the Los Angeles Times did an extensive article on Oliver, marking him as a possible missing link or new sub-species of chimp. In 1989, Oliver was purchased by the Buckshire Corporation, a Pennsylvanian laboratory leasing out animals for scientific and cosmetic testing. During this time in his life, Oliver lived in a tiny cage and experienced rough handling. This eventually caused an extreme case of arthritis and muscular atrophy, so severe that Oliver’s limbs routinely tremble. The testing of his DNA has been an intense and controversial subject.

Supposedly, a test performed in the 1980s proved that Oliver contained only forty-seven chromosomes, instead of the normal forty-eight. However, this claim has not supported by scientific evidence and has been refuted by a geneticist from the University of Chicago, who tested Oliver’s blood and found that he had the normal forty-eight chromosomes. Since that time, Oliver’s DNA has not been tested. He will not be made available for any DNA style inquiries again. In 1998, Oliver was given a spacious, open-air cage at the Primarily Primates sanctuary in the US state of Texas. He was put under the temporary care of wildlife rehabilitator Lee Theisen-Watt, who was fired in 2007 for wrong doings. During the history of the Primarily Primates facility, they have undergone a series of legal battles, with a majority of the cases concerning PETA. Today, Oliver is still alive and living at Primarily Primates. Many pictures and videos of him exist on the Internet.

The last sentence was the stimulant for the hunt for more information on youtube.
So here's the link to the short documentary on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1Y_-_mPy3s&feature=related

Check it out if you need a break from studying.

Anyway it was mentioned in the documentary that Man has an obsession with cross-breeding human and other species to create a hybrid species.
Perhaps it's not exactly an 'obsession' per se, but merely extreme dedication to the study of biology or rather erm, hybrid species to be specific...
This scientist mentioned that somewhere out there in the world, it is entirely possible to have a scientist who has already successfully inseminated a chimp with a human sperm and created a hybrid humanzee.
Considering how this idea piques the interest of a lazy ass like me, i'm pretty sure there are people who have gone all out on this idea. And this scares me.
What the hell do they do with the offspring after it is 'created'?
I mean, this humanzee, if in the case where they keep it alive on some remote island away from civilistion and run tests on it all its life, will there be a point in time when it matures and has someway or another understood that it was bred for a reason?
Ok, i hate to write about contentious stuff like these because i can never make a strong stand.
It's just that when i was watching the documentary, i naturally imagined myself as a humanzee. I don't know, but since i would most probably have inherited some 'human intelligence', i would rather die than live as a hybrid at the point of time in my life when i am more or less aware of my situation.
i think like that because i am human, as in i am a homo sapien and i know how a fellow homo sapien would feel if they were created. I have no empathy when it comes to ligers because i seriously do not know how lions or tigers feel or think.
yes, we are sentient creatures all the same but the idea of crossing a homo sapien with any other creature just puts me off.
the only time i will strongly object to the cross-breeding of other species is when i am fully aware of how they feel and think.
but then again, i don't know if i would object to the cross-breeding of dogs with lions or something else?
there are wolf-dog hybrids but it doesn't make me slam my table in a fit of anger.
maybe because these hybrids are highly sought after and well-taken care of?
they are treated like pets, as part of the family yadayada i.e, they are not treated any differently from domesticated animals.
hmmm but if a blooody scientist were to kidnap my heli and attempt to inseminate her with a wolf's sperms, i think i would chop off any part of the fella's body which has hair on. (in his case he would be lucky if he did brazilian waxing)

and then, i inevitably reach the topic of vegetarianism.
sigh. by right, we should be vegetarians.
ok I should be a vegetarian.
i mean i understand that pigs and chickens can really feel the pain when they are killed and it messes with their minds when they are made to stay in a small area with hundreds of others and when they witness how their friends get slaughtered.
in this situation, i sympathise with their plight. but honestly, as the days go by, the feelings erode away. perhaps i have yet to watch the video my friend told me to watch.
ok, but when it comes to dogs, i can never and will never approve of dog meat.
i once watched this video on youtube which featured the dog meat industries in china and korea. i will never forget those scenes man.
alright i understand it's partly because i have never eaten dog meat and it is not part of our culture, but when i see those dogs, i empathise with their plight.
i was taught in secondary school that 'sympathy' and 'empathy' mean vastly different things because when you sympathise with someone, it's more of pitying the person, but when you empathise with someone, you go down to his level and you really feel with him/her. (and assuming the above is right, HAHA, we move on...)
i suppose it has to do with me having a better idea of how dogs are able to think and feel.
though i can't understand them as well as many people are able to(i am envious of them and i will work harder), if i say that i wasn't able to see the sadness, the longing, the joy or sometimes the irritation in their eyes and body language, i would really be an object, a robot.
this little understanding came from observing them and being with them for quite a while so maybe if i go on a industrial attachment to a farm and witness everything firsthand, i may emerge as a vegetarian.
that is why i do not have enough resolve and conviction to be a vegetarian YET.
(also because when you put a roasted drumstick in front of me, i will completely forget the evil stuff, or rather, conveniently forget them)

alright i'm not going to check for grammatical or typo errors so pardon me if there are any.

2010-11-17T16:05:00.002+08:00

Does anyone still have the Memories interface purchased way back in 2005 when we shifted from the old campus in Teban Gardens to the holding site at Commonwealth?
Man, it brings back so much memories.
Being a student of River Valley High School is something i am very proud of.
Being a part of Athletics for 4 years is my pride and joy.
I think i have matured a whole lot more. (alright if i didn't, i should just kill myself now)
Thank you to all the teachers and friends who have made a difference in my life, namely
Mr Lee, Mrs LLM, Mrs LWF, Mdm Guo, Mrs Lee-Teo,... that should be about it.

Sounds like i am giving a speech as RV's valedictorian, no? HAH

2010-11-16T00:33:00.001+08:00

ahhh just beautiful...

2010-11-13T21:26:00.003+08:00

DAMN THERE'S THIS REALLY CUTE LECTURER MR KOH WHO TEACHES IN SUCH A CUTE WAY,!!
HE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH.
AND HE REMINDS ME OF A CHINESE SINSEH/ LOVING GRANDFATHER.

gahhhhh so cute!!!!

2010-11-12T22:03:00.002+08:00

fucking disppointed with myself...
i couldn't solve the bloody lab because i misinterpreted the question...
should've read the question properly SHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTKDJAJDKLSDJKLSA
demoralised.

2010-11-12T01:14:00.002+08:00

WHY IS THE CS WEBCAST SO INTERESTING? WHYYYYYYYY
I'VE NEVER BEEN AT A WEBCAST FOR LONGER THAN 20 MINUTES AT ONE GO...
IT'S LIKE A KDRAMA THAT I DON'T WANT TO FINISH WATCHING.

2010-11-11T23:12:00.004+08:00

Whoa, today was one helluva day man.
Got the chance to play as a winger again! for about 40 minutes!!
Very disappointed with the way i played during the second half though.
But all these has gotta wait,...

Yes, i also did maths for the first time in about 2 months.
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
i skipped CS lecture for the first time as well.
I was just playing the first few minutes of the webcast and i am wondering how vastly different it feels as compared to watching the math webcasts.
Just the first few sentences my lecturer mentioned already reminded me about why i love this subject.

when the going gets tough, the tough gets GOING.

2010-11-09T19:16:00.001+08:00

nobody knows what a bastard i am at home, how rude i am to my mother, how selfish i am.
because if you did you did, you would wish you didn't know me.

2010-10-25T23:46:00.003+08:00

ahhhhh today i scored my first goal for my team.
although it was against a weaker team, it was still a goal.
i was seriously damn happy so i screamed HAHA .
man, after the exams, i am really going to train harder and work on my stamina, speed and agility.

thank you coach, for giving me such a valuable opportunity to play as a left midfielder once again.

this will not be the first and last time.

this wednesday i'm going to talk to my favourite teacher in NUS!
i am really doubting myself now.
doubt i can handle stuff that will be harder than whatever we have learnt.

2010-10-17T23:50:00.001+08:00

omg, this guy is like totally enjoying every second on the skateboard!!!!
"rawffffffffffff nothin' can stop meeeeeeeeee~"
his dangling tongue is sooooo cute hahaha

2010-10-17T00:03:00.002+08:00

Mighty M's Tip #1:
If you feel as though you're going to to black out(or rather white out in my case) anytime soon, down a can of coke. The glucose enters your bloodstream so quickly you can kiss goodbye to your fainting spells.

2010-10-15T17:03:00.001+08:00

when you only got a hundred years to live.

2010-10-14T00:14:00.002+08:00

came across this picture of a dog who was previously at the SPCA with his new owner at World Animal Day.
The owner was sitting on the sand and talking on the phone, his arms around his best friend who sat beside him on his hind legs.
caption was: look how much they have bonded
this picture brought tears to my ears the moment i read the caption.
i was thinking of how Handsome has been waiting for 5 years for that special day to come.
and finally he found a forever home and a forever friend.

2010-10-10T19:06:00.003+08:00

When i finally managed to unlock the main gate, i was so relieved.
Even if it was just a few minutes past three, we wouldn't know what would be the effects on the patient.

I unlocked the door.
What greeted me was something that you would see on television when they revamp homes for people(think Renovaid), except that it was smaller, much smaller.
It was a flat with a kitchen, a toilet and a living room.
A foreign worker lay sound asleep on the ground, oblivious to our attempts to unlock the main gate earlier on.
And there, on the bed, lay a skinny old man in deep slumber with his mouth wide open and arms supporting his head.
We were told that he was blind and deaf.
I approached him and caressed his shoulders gently.
His eyelids sprang back like a prey awoken by the smell/sound of an approaching predator.
His eyes darted back and forth but they never met mine.
He reached out for my hand.
I held on to his hands with an affirmative grip. It was only through his sense of touch that he was able to discern between good and evil.
As the barriers between us collapsed, we helped him sit upright.
With my mouth a few centimetres away from his right ear, i spoke loudly into his ear and reassured him as he asked if we were nurses or the ones sent by the nurses.
He showed us the plastic bag containing the supplies and we went on to carry out our job.
He laid down and undressed himself to reveal the old patch near his hip bone.
I was supposed to remove the old patch and replace it with a new one.
I stuck the new patch on the area above his left nipple, where there was some flesh, as instructed.
Then i lifted his hand to the patch for inspection and approval.
After a few moments, he requested kindly for a larger plastic sheet.
I stuck on a new plastic sheet and placed his hand on the new dressing and waited.
A smile spread across his face as he said 'Good, good, Thank you!' in hokkien.
As we buttoned up his shirt and pants, he mused that last week, the people who came found that there was not enough patches and they rushed all the way to TTSH to get more supplies.
We laughed and i patted his shoulder excitedly.
He sat up and placed his supplies back at the exact same spot.
I spoke into his ear and bade him goodbye.
His eyes were fixated to the front as he thanked us repeatedly.

We left the place.
My partner asked if i was from the Red Cross because i looked experienced.
Then i wondered where that surge of confidence stemmed from.
Did i believe that i still have a chance?

That aside, my mind was flooded with images of the people i saw in that block.
The young boy who kept apologising for his seemingly aggressive toy breed, his sister who stood behind the gate, the indian man with bloodshot eyes and who shaked his hip when he apoke...
Honestly, today was the first time that i was exposed to this side of Singapore.
I do not know for sure if those children are happy, but i wish that they are.
I wish that when they grow up and realise that there are others who have big houses and cars, they will not be shaken.

2010-10-09T02:12:00.001+08:00

dilemma.
what-ifs.

2010-10-02T21:20:00.004+08:00

alrighty,
here i am after a cs test, hokkien mee and a 4 hour long nap.

what went wrong:
i don't have the habit of reading other people's codes because i am more used to starting every question from scratch(even after i get the program out i don't read the model answers unless it's during tutorial when the teacher goes through and i'll just jot down some main points) and because of this, i have trouble program tracing...
which constitutes half the paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i need to cultivate the habit of reading other codes and seeing how they work instead of just being in my own world...

if i'm lucky, i'll just manage a pass?
if they mark the last two questions VERY leniently then i will have 9 marks HAHAHAHA. out of 20.

k gonna bathe then tackle tutorial 6!

2010-09-29T00:05:00.001+08:00

dear heli, i miss you...
maybe i'll drop by next friday morning...
hugs and kisses awaits youuuuuuuuuuu

2010-09-25T21:09:00.003+08:00

just read jingm's post about saying ten things to ten people,
so here goes my version before i go back to maths webcast. i'm still at lecture 6...

1. to me:
please don't be like that anymore. sigh.

2. to my new team mates:
i'm sorry i still don't feel that attached to you guys. please give me some time to warm up...

3. to coach:
i am still clinging on to the hope that i can get to play as a winger instead of a defender. so, even as i am learning how to be a better defender, i will not give up on being a winger. i hope that one day, i will be able to show you how well i can play as a winger.

4. to my cs lecturer or rather to the subject itself:
it's been about 4 years since i last did my homework willingly and diligently. really hope to prove to myself that i can do it if i set my mind to it.

5. to popo, lex, face, heli, xiaobai, ricky and gang:
i'm sorry that i haven't gone down at all ever since school started. the few months that i've been there were probably the happiest and most fulfilling months of my life. i promise to go down after this semester ends!!!!!!!

6. to wcpp sexy kias:
thank you for just being there. was really happy to meet you guys last friday.

7. to friends whom i treasure:
really hope that our friendship lasts. it's not that i don't have faith in long-d friendships be it because we are studying in different universities or in different countries. it's just that we have to admit that it is difficult because we all have different commitments. time will tell i guess, who stays in your heart and who doesn't.

8. to new ideal man NO MIN WOOOoooooooooooooo
YOU'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT AND TALENTED. *plop*
faints...

9. to my mother:
i don't know how to tell you that i really don't want to live the life i am living right now, and that sometimes i just think of getting away from this home and this place and just starting life anew somewhere else. alone. (i am not feeling depressed)

10. to nus:
i can't wait for next week to be over.

2010-09-10T18:51:00.003+08:00

needless to say, i have changed for the better, but that only applies to ONE out of four modules...
i get psyched up even by the release of a friggin'(in EQ's language) tutorial for that subject.

if only this applies to the other modules... SIGH.
one of which i will be tested on tomorrow.
DAMN

2010-09-08T17:37:00.002+08:00

I know that you never thought that i could do as much as or more than you could do.
Were you surprised?
Don't be, because from now on, surprises will be so common they won't be surprising at all.

2010-09-05T01:29:00.003+08:00

damn screwed up for PC1431 i keep missing the bloody datelines for the online assignments

2010-09-02T21:25:00.002+08:00

wahh, today during tutorial, one of my classmates presented his code and it included something i have never learnt from the lectures.
he probably took programming before.
what i felt was pangs of jealousy because he knew much much MUCH more than i did and he had a more flexible way of coding.
i really want to know more too man, IF i have the time, that is.

2010-08-31T22:17:00.002+08:00

today after dog time, i was casually checking my hotmail inbox while waiting for the train.
then i saw a reply from my lecturer, whom i had sent an email to on sunday regarding a tutorial question.
the first sentence was "If you're doing programming for the first time, then I'm very
impressed!.. 8-)".
totally made my day.
i think i haven't been praised for handing in decent work in a really long time.
it's been such a long time that it came as a shock to me.
interestingly and very unexpectedly, cs1010 has been my favourite module ever since i completed my very first online assignment.
so far, tutorials can be so engaging that it is no longer a chore.
of course, i am still struggling with this module, but i'm glad that i got a chance to study this module.
thinking back, it was actually my most dreaded module.

as Nick Vujicic said,"you cannot afford to give up... "

i am a cygwinner!

(anw walao everytime i like a subject i always end up doing damn badly for it lor wtf.)

2010-08-30T09:48:00.002+08:00

damn
i don't even have to close my eyes and i can smell that familiar 'scent'.
i don't even need pictures to remember how they look like.
i will never forget the warmth of their furry bodies and the wet licks they gave.

2010-08-29T05:01:00.002+08:00

it's 5am in the morning now.

guess what i was doing besides slacking online at the usual sites and watching King of Baking?
CYGWIN.
i can't believe myself either.
actually i thought i was damn smart and i just starting coding the answer to this tutorial question without doing any planning. the entire thingy failed, needless to say HAHA
but then no, i ain't no quitter on and off the field YO.
i went back to the lecture notes and tried the mind-mapping thingy that the lecturer taught us.
my answer is still pretty long winded but HOLY COW, i fucking got the desired output and i feel damn accomplished.
. so good night.
enough of slacking on friday and saturday...
tomorrow i gotta catch up on all the online tutorials. dammmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnn

I LOVE CYGWIN!

2010-08-23T00:52:00.002+08:00

i must not be the bastard that i was a year ago.
i mustn't.

2010-08-19T21:01:00.002+08:00

i think if there's one module in which i have no idea what i am doing or going to do, it would have to be...

*drumrolls........

MATHS MA1505??

WRONG . beeeep.

it's programming)::::

2010-08-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

Today i saw how i looked like when i quit.
It was an ugly sight.
I looked weak, i looked like a loser.
The flame that was supposed to be burning vigorously was nowhere in sight.
No, this is not me.
...it will never be.

2010-08-14T01:38:00.002+08:00

this morning i went to see my dearest whippet after school.
because she who reads this blog told me that he was returned AGAIN.
damn it.
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(GROAN)

he's so lovable that i had to queue up to enter his kennel.
anyway today was the first time whippet curled up between my legs and let me rub his belly.
those piercing grey eyes of his...
i think he wants to know why too,
why am i back in this place?
what did i do wrong?

anw razzy was shifted to the front, the very first kennel.
i totally missed him and went to the back, only to discover manly montana in his kennel.
and when i went back to the front he had this super cute look on his face and he was wagging his tail and jumping up.
like "OI, i'm here la, where the f are you going?!"
ok that's it for today.

tomorrow, or rather today, it's either i make it or i break it man.

2010-08-11T17:39:00.001+08:00

i have a bad feeling about this man.

2010-08-03T22:27:00.003+08:00

maybe i should just back away from this and admit that i can never do it.
i can never achieve the standards that i have set for myself.

the only thing i can offer is a pair of legs governed by an undying spirit.

2010-08-02T21:20:00.003+08:00

i think putting yourself in situation whereby you have to make new friends and strike up conversations with strangers to get to know them better makes you treasure your good friends more.
over the past two days, i've been thinking a lot about my good friends and how easy it is to talk to them.
then i started thinking about how difficult it was to build that friendship with them.
I feel so comfortable with these friends that the real me can only be seen when i'm with them.

sometimes i feel that there are just too many brick walls between us.
and then sometimes, i am too lazy to demolish them.
worst of all, i build more of them.

2010-07-19T16:22:00.001+08:00

really gonna miss lex, heli, whippet, facsh, roy and razzy!

2010-07-14T23:32:00.003+08:00

people(or more specifically, roston lim's friends) who still play mahjong on a weekday night (after 10pm) when they are fully aware that the doors and walls of a flat are not even 40% soundproof should eat their own faeces. '
or rather, eat mine.
or better still, eat dog poo that is more than a day old.
or best, drink one litre of cat poo mashed with cat urine.

honestly, i don't understand how mahjong can be that fun.
it's so fun that they play it every bloody day.

and the worst thing is that i don't have the balls to tell them to fk out of the house.

2010-07-12T22:56:00.001+08:00

pick poo scoop poo mop poo

2010-07-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

My name is Ben.

I was born in the summer months of 1996, that makes me 39, and a Leo.

Now you might think that at this particular time in my life, I might be heading for a mid-life crisis of some description.

Subconsciously wanting to prove my virility to younger members of the opposite sex as the inevitably of death looms closer.

Well youd be wrong. Ysee my testicles were removed from my body at thirteen years of age, so job done.

Well, needless to say, the events surrounding this surgical procedure were not the happiest of times. Him over there, he had them off, we fell out, and as a result I ate his chair

It was pretty ugly at the time, since though much water has passed and now we hardly ever mention it.

When we do, and I dont know why, I have this insatiable desire to eat my own faeces. This sends him crazy, especially as its often in public. I say: You walk naked around the streets with no balls then youll know embarrassment.

This usually settles things.

The owner whistles, and Ben runs up along side him.

Today, were spending some quality time together. This makes up for when hes been mysteriously disappearing from home, leaving me to do very little with myself.

Its a pretty lonely existence really. I get depressed and sleep a lot. When not sleeping, I roam about the house from one room to the next getting my hopes up every time I hear the gate swing.

When he does get home, I try to question him about where hes been but he acts as if hes done nothing wrong and then falls asleep in front of the television.

This goes on for about five days, by which time I lose my rag and usually have a proper go atim. Then for a while were fine, like today, all lovey dovey like nothing ever happened.

We muck about, go for walks, and I start to reconsider our relationship, I think; Yes, we do love each other, Yes, we do have a future together, and then as soon as were showing signs of progress, he disappears again. Fucks off, leaving me to pace the same stretch of carpet, day in, day out.

It breaks my heart. It really does.

Ive thought about leaving him, making a run for it, but you never know whether the next person youll meet will treat you any better.

Ooh, ere we go. He likes this, look.

Hello, tides a bit strong.

Fuck it, Im drowning.

I love you.

Copyright Omni Productions 2005

2010-07-11T02:10:00.002+08:00

yitong said that she preferred watching soccer to playing soccer, i think for me it's the other way round hahahaha.
i haven't caught a single word cup match...
talk about wanting to catch my favourite players in action...

2010-07-10T23:48:00.003+08:00

it has been 3 years and i thought the passion is fading away.
i think after today, if i were to get the chance to play competitively once more, i would still train as hard as i once did.
the fire in my eyes, i doubt it will go off anytime soon.
i think i have to be much much better than this if i want to get past the trials.
haiz...

2010-07-09T22:55:00.001+08:00

haven't kicked in a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGG time man

2010-07-06T00:10:00.004+08:00

kinda looking forward to the three-month holiday next year because i want to help out another shelter in pasir ris.
sigh.
i think i really wasted a lot of time from december to march.
i was busy chasing after something i can never get.
nonetheless, i never regretted attending all the attachments i went for.
it made me realise how much i wanted it.
today i also realised that i have not given up on it yet.
i still can't get over it.
when he asked if my choice of course was something that came naturally, of course i said no.
i can't lie that engineering is my dream course.
it has never been my first choice.
if there is something about me, it is that when people ask me a question, i will tell the truth most of the time.
especially when it is important.

2010-07-05T19:22:00.005+08:00

my favourite live version of No Other so far!!
must thank shiyun for telling me about this man..
they're rocking the whole denim jeans with boots look man.
and i love how the cameraman shot them from the back.
my only complain: too little kyuhyun):
love euhyuk's outfit and heechul's blonde hair + aviators look.
we should totally do this for mass dance!!!

2010-07-05T18:49:00.002+08:00

hmmm haven't seen the dogs at pasir ris in 4 days.
saw roy and gang on saturday haha but roy got a wee bit excited in his kennel.
hmmm, haven't seen him like that in a few months.

anyway friday was tiff's farewell barbeque, saturday was doggie training (which was an eye-opener!!) then og outing and then on sunday, we sent tiff off.
as for today, niang and i paid the remainder of the money for our tickets and then we headed to nus to meet some of our og mates before our medical check-up.

dog-walking tomorrow yay!!
then i'll be going over to the shelter as per normal.
it's good to know that kristy hasn't left yet.
oh well.

2010-06-29T22:54:00.004+08:00

whoa today was great.
i'm dog tired man.
been walking dogs in the mornings then going over to clean the shelter for two days in a row.
wonder how the staff at shelters can take it man.
thank the God of Dogs that i only have afternoon platime duty tomorrow.
which means that i can wake up at eleven.

2010-06-28T21:09:00.003+08:00

damn funny!!! especially the part where the war song is being played. HAHAHA

2010-06-28T20:33:00.003+08:00

i just spoke to the owner of the lost dog.
aww man he sounded so happy.
so i'm really glad that the dog has a family that cares for him.(or so it seems HAHA)

tomorrow i may get to join some acquaintances on their daily stray-feeding rounds.
kinda anxious about it because i don't know how i will react to what is before my eyes.

2010-06-27T22:15:00.002+08:00

holy shit man, i just saw one of my OGL's album.
think it's some photographer's outing overseas.
and the pictures are (here comes the mighty vulgarity:) fking awesome.
the scenery was breathtaking man.
and some of of the photos taken are really amazing.

but for a noob like me, i think of photography as immortalising every moment.
that's why i take so many photos at the shelters, because in month's time, i won't be able to go down as often as i do now.
sigh.
i wish it were January or February now.

2010-06-27T11:44:00.002+08:00

someone needs to teach me to treat my family members better.
really, i treat outsiders much better.

2010-06-27T11:44:00.000+08:00

someone needs to teach me to treat my family members better.
really, i treat the outsiders much better.

2010-06-26T21:36:00.007+08:00

doggie training postponed to next saturday haha.

today dhiya came over to collect her notes.
i had a fun time showing her my collection of pictures HAHA especially the cat ones.

anyway, yesterday morning it was raining heavily at mount vernon so instead of dog-walking, we cleaned up the shelter instead.
much easier than cleaning up the shelter at pasir ris though.
and i was so late in realising that jack can do the paw paw!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhkjdljasdljsdljsa
i nearly teared when i did it with him.
he is such a lovely boy who deserves so much more. sigh.

after that i headed over to pasir ris, but on my way there, i saw this fella wandering around.
there was actually quite a lot of people around but i'm surprised that people just shot glances at the dog and did nothing. sigh.

initially i was a little irritated because i promised the popo that i would be there at eleven plus and i asked her to wait for me to clean the dog area. (damn evil of me to feel this way...)
but i picked up the dog and carried him because he had no collar on.
then i asked a kind young boy to help me buy a collar and leash from the supermarket at the mrt.
it's damn coincidental that before i found the dog i was in the supermarket buying chips(i feel like eating it again) and i happened to stumble upon a small corner which sells a small variety of dog food, leashes and collars.
if not i would not have known that that supermarket sells collars and leashes. haha how noob.
so the boy and i split the cost of the collar and the leash.
thank you, really.
and then i walked around the area where i found the dog to try to spot any frantic panicking owner running around searching for his/her lost dog.
unfortunately, ...
so i went to hail a cab to bring him to the spca.
(popo said i should have brought it to her because she would find a space or him no matter what. she just didn't want him to be at the risk of being euthanised. i was really touched when i heard that.)
thankfully, a passerby started stroking him and i told him that he was actually a lost dog.
he offered to take him in until the owner was found.
i told him that i would do whatever i can on the internet.
i stomped the article last night and contacted the spca today.
but in any case, if no one claims him, i told him that popo would gladly take him in.
and i'm pretty sure he would be adopted fairly quickly.

i reached the shelter at around 12 and apologised for being late.
kristy was happy to see me haha

thankfully another volunteer already cleaned up the dog area.
so kristy and i went around to clean the catteries since there was no supply from 1.30-5.00. zz
anyway this bunch of humans came over to bring the cats over to another shelter because they were infected with some disease.
suddenly there was a commotion because one of the cats escaped from the cattery and climbed to the top of the cattery.
which looks like this:

i didn't really bother about it.
partly because i was occupied with cleaning the cattery and i thought that the cat would be safe since there were like eight people there?
(damn evil again haha but that's me.)
later, they called kristy over to help.
ok then something stirred in me.
suddenly remembered my conversation with her on wednesday when she said that she had a three year-old kid in indonesia.
so i went out. i couldn't find her but i went to the back where there were people gathering around.
the owner of the mischievous cat who refused to be caught was standing on top of the washing machine and wailing. obviously very attached to her cat even though she has dozens of them in the shelter.
i will never forget that look on her face when she asked, "can you help me get my cat please..."
so i acted macho and climbed to the top of the cattery. (my heart was pounding because i kept thinking that i would lose my grip and fall off haha)
the first obstacle to oversome was the short and not so sharp spokes because being a paranoid my mind flashed back to this accident which happened a long time ago when a metal spike pierced through a boy's leg when he was climbing a gate.
good thing it was short lol so i got up anyway.
and goodness i saw kristy on top too...
sounds lesbo, but i was more worried about kristy than the cat.
(which makes me feel ashamed because i should treat both beings equally in this situation)
so basically both of us where crawling on unstable metal bars and through cob webs.
throughout the time we were crawling after the cat, i could hear the owner's cries for help.
i guess that was what made me forget my fear of heights and paranoid imaginations of the metal giving way and thereby resulting in me falling into the cattery below.(lol i'm a paranoid)
kristy was about to get hold of the cat when it turned back and ran in my direction and then back to where i climbed up from.
so i crawled after the cat and caught hold of it under it's armpits(lots of armpit hair, or rather fur) and kristy crawled damn fast so she grabbed the skin on his neck to prevent him from escaping.
as we were remained in that position while waiting for them to pass us the cat container, the owner was right there on the washing machine pleading with us, "please don't let go of him, don't let go... he will die..."
yup so mission accomplished.
apart from the fact that a cat's life was involved, i thought it was really exciting.
as in, at least now i know that i can do things that i didn't think i would do.
nonetheless if the cat or my best friend was in a burning building, i will NEVER ENTER.
sorry but my fear of fire is whoa.
i dream of burning and exploding stoves and i have no guts to turn them off even if it means i can save my family. then i cry in my sleep.
ok back to the cat rescue.
i hi-fived kristy after that HAHA. (but she didn't know what it meant so she checked a palms after that HAHA)
then i wondered about what she was thinking when they called her over to help.
could she have declined to help?
as a domestic helper, was this part of her duty?
it kinda killed me when i realised that there were two able men(excluding the uncle with a pot belly because i think he is rather old) who witnessed the incident but yet kristy was the one who was asked to climb up. (sorry for stereotyping, but thankfully the friends who read this blog are not guys HAHA)
ok then again, maybe it was because she is really thin and small-sized and they assumed that the metal bars would definitely be able to withstand her weight.
arh nevermind, we all have our own justifiable reasons for doing the things that we do.
anyway we went back to cleaning the catteries as though nothing ever happened while popo and quarreled with the cat owner for causing such a commotion at her place.
well, i'm not involved.

kristy asked me again whether i do all the household chores at home because in her opinion, i am damn good at cleaning.
and i told her that i don't do anything at home because i am damn lazy and my mum always scolds me for doing nothing.
she constantly praises me for doing so much at the shelter and she tells me that i am diferent from other people.
it makes me feel very appreciated and i love it when i am being useful.
my arm muscles ache when i rotate my shoulder now.
and that's just after one day of intensive surface wiping.
i can't imagine how kristy does so much more every single day and yet does not complain about it.

i will definitely miss this place and the people and dogs there when i start school man.

2010-06-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

today i found a lost dog.
i also rescued a cat.

2010-06-24T21:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think i am a fucking lucky bastard who doesn't deserve a place in ME.

2010-06-23T21:47:00.005+08:00

ever since i got myself a new camera, i have been diligently taking pictures whenever i'm out.
so basically you can find out what i did in a day from my facebook profile hahaha.

as promised, i went down to the shelter again today. but this time, i spent 8.5 hours there instead of just one like yesterday.
it's like non-stop cleaning. lol
to the point that i feel like a domestic helper.

(side track: i thought that my friend was a lesbian because her boyfriend looks so much like a tomboy! i realised that i made a mistake after i saw a picture of her boyfriend when HE was young. )

ok anyway i thoroughly enjoyed myself there even though i was doing chores like scrubbing the floors and picking up poo(which i am sadly, very used to)
for 8.5 hours i was in an unfamiliar part of Singapore, with a couple of dogs, a lot of cats, mdm wong and her helper, kristy.
and i kind of think i was a domestic helper in my previous life.
man, i always enjoy chatting with domestic helpers.
when my grandparents were still around, i stuck to the two helpers at their house like super glue.
i watched them cook, clean and waited for them while they took a dump in the loo. (jk about the last part)
it just impresses me how some helpers like kristy in this case, can be so loyal to their owners.
anyway yep, back to my point; for eight hours i felt like i was in my own world.
i didnt have to bother about anything else except the dogsduring the brief few minutes that i gave heli a belly rub, it felt like it was just me and her.(ok now i sound like a dogophile)

for that few minutes, she didn't have to bother about not having found her forever home yet and i didn't have to bother about having to go home early to complete homework.
it kind of reminded me of why i love soccer, especially when i dribble with the ball.
it would be just me and the ball, everything revolved around us.
ok that was a very bad link.

continue tomorrow.
gotta sleep early because i have to wake up at six thirty tomorrow YIKESSSSSSSSSS

2010-06-22T21:06:00.003+08:00

hmmm today i went down to the shelter at pasir ris but i felt damn out of place because there was a group of students taking vet science there.
i spent most of my time at the back with the dogs and feeding them the snacks i got.

today was my second time there.
i still don't know the dogs well and i have yet to warm up to them.
it's very different from being at the spca because as lame as it sounds, i secretly fear that one of the dogs may turn aggressive anytime.
building a relationship takes time and effort and it is no different from building one with a dog.
the first time i went into roy's cage, i got my left butt cheek bitten and i went out immediately.
there was this element of fear when he started nibbling around.
but now, after a little more than 4 months, i believe that i can live with him LOL.
when i look him in the eye, he knows that i trust him and that i care for him.(a little more than the rest)
as time passes, it becomes something like, "hey buddy, it's me again" whenever i unlatch the gate to his cage.
as for razzy, i don't spend a lot of time in his cage because his play bites are damn painful.
however, i love to take him out on walks even though some think he is a difficult dog to walk because he jumps and nibs when you don't give him treats.
in the beginning i was really scared of walking him but it took him a few licks on my cheek to get to my heart. hahaha
sidetrack a little, i once scolded an ant, "you f**ker" because it was crawling on razzy's limb and it stinged so much he had to stop and get it off.(but obviously he couldn't.)
whatever razzy does, i know that he means no harm. and i'll still love him.
yep.
that bond and that trust is what i will cherish and keep close to my heart man.
just like how humans treasure the ones they love (or maybe not).

i am very grateful towards ellen for giving me such valuable opportunities.
i was fortunate enough to join in the afternoon playtime sessions and also witnessed a pet therapy session at a school for children with special needs.
and today she gave me the opportunity to go for doggie training on saturday.(ok this sounds like i'm a bitch)
yep.
i'm just thankful for the past five months at the spca;
the people i've met, or more importantly, the dogs i've met
the shit i've picked up.(warm and mushy. some are semi-liquid) JKJK
the hugs and kisses i've given.
the licks(and bites) i've received.
the tug-o-war sessions.

i got a lot out of this.
i learned a lot from them.
sigh.

2010-06-22T12:35:00.001+08:00

i am going to attend the dog training session this saturday!
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE

2010-06-20T19:18:00.002+08:00

sigh am i really that good at controlling my temper and tolerating shit?
or rather, am i that good at being a god damn hypocrite?

2010-06-19T20:27:00.000+08:00

BLOG TMR. DAMN TIRED.

2010-06-13T22:09:00.002+08:00

today i went down to a shelter a pasir ris.
made me think a whole lot more.
as the man showed us around, we passed by rows and rows of dogs.
he said that these were also shelters but with little or no manpower to maintain.
people just rescued the dogs and rented the place to house the dogs.
i have never seen so many strays in one place.
as i walked along the aisle, the dogs who bothered to say hi would bark and wag their tails.
and those who said 'fuck out of my(and twenty others') territory would growl.
when we got to the enclosure where mdm wong's dogs were housed, i felt relieved.
partly because being a paranoid, i was damn scared that the dogs in the other 'shelters' would be able to leap over the fencing successfully and eat me up.
the man said that their dogs are all very friendly.
which is true HAHA.
however, like the first time i went to the spca, i was quite wary of them.
dogs are like us. they all have different personalities.
for me, it is similar to meeting new people and making new friends; it will take me some time to warm up to them.
i was fortunate enough to witness this lab being taken home by the woman who adopted her.
when she saw her new owner she wagged her tail furiously.
she wags her tail when she meets strangers too, but this time, you can see happiness oozing out of her.
it's like "i'm going to a real home now. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEE".
HAHA

i felt worst when i saw the dogs in the other shelters.
twenty or thirty of them in an area the size of a tennis court.
most were just lying around.
you can see their nonchalance, but yet you feel their misery.
you feel like shit because when you look at all of them from behind those metal bars, your heart sinks because you know that this is going to be their forever home.
and yet if they are released to roam as strays, they face the risk of culling.
if i were a dog,
would i rather live as a stray with the possibility of meeting death at every corner i turn into
or would i want to live in a shelter all my life ?

i also crossed the boundary that separates light from dark.
the very first row of the second area was filled with pedigree puppies in glass cages.
they belonged to a pet shop and would be bought eventually.
then, right behind them were the rows and rows of enclosures filled with mongrels.
they consisted of those who would wait till the day they die and those who gave up waiting.

went back to the first area where i spent my remaining three hours helping the owner to prepare dinner, playing football with the show dawg and cleaning the place.

yup that's all, ok not all of it.

2010-06-11T14:58:00.002+08:00

meet roy!

and... razz to the m-a-t-a-z-z

2010-06-09T19:36:00.001+08:00

today rachel told me about the law of attraction.
i shall keep that in mind man.

2010-06-07T23:30:00.003+08:00

lol today razz m was tugging away at the leash.
now that i think of it, it's damn funny la because we seem to be playing tug of war.
and when he bites and pulls at the leash and shakes his head because he is using so much strength, my whole lower body shakes along as well.
and sometimes i feel the sides of my tummy wobble ]:

2010-06-01T18:55:00.003+08:00

today was rather eventful.

four parts to it;

1. dogwalking.
nothing much happened in the morning, just that i walked 7 dogs because there was lesser people today and we took shorter walks.
so now i frequent roy's cage because he is my favourite buddy.
we will either chill out or i will give him a massage.
and then lunchtime comes and everyone starts barking.
i chanced upon some semi-liquid poo in razzy's cage, so i took the mop and scoop and went it.
big mistake man.
walao i should've known. he started wagging his tail and biting my left hand.
he thinks it's not painful but it IS.

hi razzy, if you happen to read this, please understand that it hurts like hell and if you do it again, you will struck off my favourite buddies list in time to come.

thanks to razz, i have a bruise at the base of my thumb.

ok i still love you.

today i saw the best-looking man i have ever seen off the screen.
but he looks like the kind who has a model as a girlfriend.

2. lunch
at my favourite chicken rice and chatted with the aunty sitting at the same table.
see, i am friendly!
(towards everyone except men within the age range 0f 17-25)

3. afternoon playtime
this time i did it with someone who was relatively new to it as well.
as usual, delilah didn't want to come out, even if the dog was swung wide open. the cage is like her safe haven. she even has a different expression when the gate is open and when it is closed.
a hadnful of voulunteers were there trying to coax her into coming out. but after a good 7 minutes, she still refused to come out.
so i gave up.
even though i had a valid reason to because we had limited time to get the other dogs out, the truth is that i gave up on getting her out.
later on, a staff member got her out by walking into her cage. lol so cute.
but when i saw her, i felt really disappointed with myself.
when echo's turn came, i went into her cage.
she started biting the leash and collar and i couldn't get her out.
after a few minutes, i sought help from a more experienced volunteer who happened to be around(phew).
then again, the fact that i was incapable and inexperienced dawned upon me.
more importantly, me giving up(in a way) on echo hit me hard .
when montana's turn came, i did not even bother to try.
ok maybe it's because i am inexperienced.
how can a 3 months be comparable to 3 years?
argh nevermind.

4. this is the exciting part.
on my way home, i saw 2 dogs with metal collars on them.
no leash, no owner
i have no bloody idea how they got to a HDB forest.
my first intinct was to approach them.
and so i did. i let one of them sniff my hand before petting it.
when i reached over to pet the other one, i realised it had a deep and raw slash wound on its neck. from the back of the ear leading down to the neck.
my heartbeat kinda increased, it was like back in TTSH when prof chan tells the patient she has cancer.
this time it was worse, because the patient is right under my nose and right from the moment i made contact with him, i was responsible and i had to do whatever i can.
i called roy's home of course.
and was told to keep them in sight. so i followed them closely.
we were walking along the the side of the field when they turned and i strokes them.
the injured one started growling, so i instinctively backed off.
i wonder why, but they started biting one anothers' necks.
i don't know if they are fighting, but it seemed like it.
i walked further away because there was nothing i could do.
i do not know their personalities.
i may risk getting attacked if i made a wrong move.
they were at it for a few minutes, but i watched them from a distance.

The first thing that came to my mind was that the wound on the injured dog was caused by the other dog.

That was when I first felt fear.

After they stopped, I continued following them, closely, but not as closely as before.

Now there was an invisible barrier between us.

I was worried that they might just turn aggressive any moment, but I followed them nonetheless.

They stopped to rest near the church so I sat on the seat next to them.

i waited for what seemed like eternity because I desperately need to use the toilet.

I actually thought that I might actually have to resort to peeing in the drain in broad daylight.

For simplicity’s sake, I shall name the injured dog Bruce since he is bruised.

The other one shall be Scorchio.

I know it’s stupid to name them after neopets but I can’t seem to think of any nice names.

Bruce was always walking around but still stuck close to scorchio.

Scorchio seemed to like lying on the ground, but he is always in this position with his hind legs bent as though he is ready to pounce at the sign of danger.

I waited, with a full bladder.

They walked to a more sheltered and concealed place.

Bruce still walking around while scorchio laid on the ground.

I couldn’t see them from where I was sitting so I found myself a seat with a good view of them about 40m away.

If I stood any longer I think I would’ve just urinated on the ground.

I tried to push away thoughts of going to the toilet.

I waited for about half an hour.

Bruce and scorchio came trotting over to the area I was sitting at.

As scorchio laid on the ground,

Bruce started walking towards me.

He did it twice but I avoided making eye contact with him and prepared to walk away when he was about 3m away.

I had the impression that if I petted him again he would growl and they would fight.

So I waited and finally, the van came. But they walked away.

I told the officer most of what I have recounted here.

He said he would not be able to bring them back as they seem to be on the move all the while and he would not be able to bring both of them back at once too.

He also mentioned that he would have to bring the matter up to the management to decide what to do with them.

As he hopped onto the van to see where they were heading to, I realised that the boys had gone across the road to another block of flats.

I don’t know why the hell I didn’t feel like peeing that much, but I followed them anyway.

I waved to the man in the van from across the road and signalled to him that he had to turn in to other block of flats.(sounds like a traffic police eh?)

We sat next to them as they rested under the block of flats.

The man took pictures of bruce and scorchio and he said that the wounds didn’t seem like they were caused by the other dog.

He said it was unlikely that they would fight and be aggressive towards each other as they looked like they were buddies.

He called out to them to see if they were responsive.

They walked towards me after awhile. (Oops.)

He told me to call out to them.

So I did and bruce started to growl a little.

He told me to stop because bruce’s tail wasn’t wagging.

Thankfully nothing happened man.

Scorchio actually sat in front of me, kinda surprising.

The officer tried to get them to follow him and they did!!

For about 15m.

Nearer to the van however, they walked away again, this time it was really goodbye because they walked away from us and didn’t stop.

The officer said that they may have to lay a trap for bruce if they receive a call again.

Bruce’s open wound will get worse though.

After that I walked home, and I was thinking that there was a possibility that scorchio might have saved my limbs the first time bruce growled at me since the officer said that it was highly unlikely that they would have fought with each other.

Looking back on how bruce approached me twice and me thinking he was merely trying to be nice scares the shit out of me.

The fact that I was in danger and yet not realise it kills the brave knight in me.

It’s funny how I get goosebumps now instead of then when I think of the encounter and how closely I followed them.

I think I took away quite a bit from this experience.

I learnt to appreciate the dogs at roy’s home more.

Compared to earlier in the morning when razz had half my hand in his mouth, the feeling I had with bruce and scorchio was entirely different even when I made no contact with them.

Thinking back, had I not done what I did, I could have gotten hurt.

The most upsetting thing is when you watch them walk away, knowing there is nothing you can do.

2010-05-31T23:07:00.001+08:00

oooh roy's a nice fella!

2010-05-30T13:44:00.002+08:00

a dog is the only one who will love you unconditionally and accept you for who you are.

2010-05-29T00:01:00.002+08:00

I just watched Hearty Paws!
Great movie man.
Midnight got adopted!!! woooo haha
so did whippet! hehe
and Roy nearly got adopted today.
There was this young couple who came in to see him today.
Roy is really the ideal dog man, just that he's fat. HAHA
my eyes nearly watered up when they expressed interest in him.
kinda sad that he will have to leave one day, but i believe that every dog will have a forever home and every dog deserves to be loved.
gwen was telling me about this lady who bought over a plot of land to house and maintain nearly a hundred dogs.
really inspiring and selfless.
and also, there's project just kindness and the dog mill rehomers and many others.
i'll save up enough money and maybe in 30 years time when i am sick of being a spinster, i will open a dog sanctuary haha.
and i will call it Home.

please take roy home shower him with all the love he deserves!

2010-05-17T20:20:00.002+08:00

Afternoon playtime today and i think Midnight kinda screwed up her chance of getting adopted today. sigh.
let's just hope they love the really playful side of her.
she was biting my hand and jumping on me while i tried to put on a brave front and appear calm and happy and like "nah, she does this all the time, i'm used to it. and it really isn't painful at all!"
I actually thought i might not get to be a surgeon because of a dog LOL.
she wanted to pull down my pants as well, thank the God of Dogs again that i wore tights.
Thankfully, she didn't bite the prospective owners when they petted her.
walao i think she just doesn't like me.

2010-05-15T00:21:00.002+08:00

whoa i had a great day on thursday.
4 sessions in a single day.
shall write more tomorrow.

G'NIGHT and please visit the SPCA booth at Suntec City over the weekends!

2010-05-08T22:39:00.002+08:00

If life was all about chilling out,

There would be this huge patch of grassland where my dogs and i can run around as though we were the only ones on this earth. When we get tired, we would flop down on the soft grass, close our eyes and wait for the sun to set.

I would row a boat in the middle of a lake with a depth of 1.5m and which does not support any form of life.(because i am scared of alligators, jellyfish, sharks, hippos, squids, piranhas... ... and the list goes on and on)(i'm just paranoid la)

I would be living alone in the top floor of a shop-house. There wouldn't be any gas supply to my unit so there will be no reason for a gas pipe leak ---> leading to a much dreaded explosion. But then again, there is the risk of an electric fire breaking out. HAISH
Forgot to add that the house would be completely bug-proof.

I would be a marital arts expert so i can go trekking on my own without worrying about getting ambushed/raped/kidnapped along the way.
Or maybe i should just have a dick and then i will never have to worry about getting molested or raped...

I would go horse-riding once every two days. Horsie would be my horse's name. JKJK.
His name must be something majestic like Prince (damn act la HAHAHA).
Ok no, i just googled 'best horse names'.
http://www.horses-and-horse-information.com/horsenames/a.shtml lists "Absent" as one of the best horse names. Sorry i can't imagine asking "Abseeeeeeeennnt~, are you present ? or are you abseeent??". He will probably pangseh me and pon all the horse-riding sessions too.
I think i will name him Triston.

Ok can't think of any other scenarios.

2010-05-03T21:29:00.001+08:00

Been walking dogs the past two months and my favourites are Roy and Razzmataz!
1. Roy
Is basically a fatty doggy.
He is so fat that he is starting to look like a cross-corgi to me ROFLMAO because his body is so heavy it droops a little.
Also, because he has a curly tail, he looks like a pig from the back. HAHAHA thinking of this makes me laugh.
When he lies on all fours in the midst of walking, it is either because he getting ready ~~to pounce on~~ surprise the other dog behind or because he is tired. (statistics have proven that it is 76.58% the former reason)

2. Razzmataz, or Razzy as i call him.(and thank the God of Dogs that he responds to that)
My first experience with him was not a pleasant one.
To begin with, when i first put the leash on him, he bit it and refused to let go until i gave him a treat.
Along the way, he was constantly asking for treats and if does not get them, he will jump up and attempt to bite the pouch, the leash or any part of my body.
He bit my sexy left calf, but he didn't sink all his teeth in and neither did my sexy calf bleed. Just the usual red marks.
But that was enough to scare me.
As with my first time eating at Subway, Soupspoon and perhaps Siam Kitchen, i hoped that that would be my first and last time walking him.
Ellen taught me the right way to treat him and from the second time onwards, i kind of started feeling something for him and it could be mutual because he become easier to walk from then on.
The time that he first licked my beautiful and flawless face was also the time that he melted my heart(which does not exactly have a very low melting point).
Although i have yet to venture into his kennel because i don't want to be bitten, he responds to me calling him from outside and will sit near the gate, and let me scratch and stroke his back, neck, the back of his ears and his little puppy head.
Someday i hope, perhaps when he gets a little older and more mature will i take the chance to venture into his kennel.

Of course, i pray that i won't get the chance to see him get any older.
As for Royeee, i hope i don't get the chance to see him get any fatter nor feel his sweaty armpit when i put the harness on. hehehe

And although i lost my first chance as expected, i still have a second one.

2010-01-19T00:26:00.003+08:00

Say hi to my new idol:

Johan Cruyff
the way he switches his pace is one word: chilaka.
and the cruyff turn is beautiful man
he looks so cute now.