My name is Ben.

I was born in the summer months of 1996, that makes me 39, and a Leo.

Now you might think that at this particular time in my life, I might be heading for a mid-life crisis of some description.

Subconsciously wanting to prove my virility to younger members of the opposite sex as the inevitably of death looms closer.

Well youd be wrong. Ysee my testicles were removed from my body at thirteen years of age, so job done.

Well, needless to say, the events surrounding this surgical procedure were not the happiest of times. Him over there, he had them off, we fell out, and as a result I ate his chair

It was pretty ugly at the time, since though much water has passed and now we hardly ever mention it.

When we do, and I dont know why, I have this insatiable desire to eat my own faeces. This sends him crazy, especially as its often in public. I say: You walk naked around the streets with no balls then youll know embarrassment.

This usually settles things.

The owner whistles, and Ben runs up along side him.

Today, were spending some quality time together. This makes up for when hes been mysteriously disappearing from home, leaving me to do very little with myself.

Its a pretty lonely existence really. I get depressed and sleep a lot. When not sleeping, I roam about the house from one room to the next getting my hopes up every time I hear the gate swing.

When he does get home, I try to question him about where hes been but he acts as if hes done nothing wrong and then falls asleep in front of the television.

This goes on for about five days, by which time I lose my rag and usually have a proper go atim. Then for a while were fine, like today, all lovey dovey like nothing ever happened.

We muck about, go for walks, and I start to reconsider our relationship, I think; Yes, we do love each other, Yes, we do have a future together, and then as soon as were showing signs of progress, he disappears again. Fucks off, leaving me to pace the same stretch of carpet, day in, day out.

It breaks my heart. It really does.

Ive thought about leaving him, making a run for it, but you never know whether the next person youll meet will treat you any better.

Ooh, ere we go. He likes this, look.

Hello, tides a bit strong.

Fuck it, Im drowning.



I love you.


Copyright Omni Productions 2005