hmm, just read lizhu's blog.
which reminded me of the number of times i have cried in njc or for something in njc.
a quick scan of my highly developed brain which boasts an IQ of 222 has revealed that i have cried 3 times thus far.
not in chronological order:
ok i realise its 4.
ok 5!
but the ones which were in public are
1. after the sa match.
for that, i really broke down.
2. in front of ms chua outside my classroom.
she was lecturing me.
man, i was like a burst-open floodgate.
3. crap i forgot ugh.
oh, i remember, it was because of some soccer matter.
this was was really in public, i revealed my pent-up emotions to someone i didn't think would care that much.

as for 4,5 and 6 it was in secret.
all related to soccer.
for one, i buried my face in my shirt and my eyes just bled water.
shan't elaborate on this one.
for the other 2, it was after a match.
one was after the 5-aside street soccer match
one was after the friendly match against HC.
i vividly remember trampling my arm band violently in a fit of anger.(at my incapability)
yep thats it.

so erm, would i be able to hold back my tears tomorrow?
or, would there even be tears to hold back?


ok in university,
i god damned hope i pass the soccer trials and have soccer as my CCA again
and then, i will rebuild my character.
and i will learn to play more beautifully.
and i will cross the ball SUCCESSFULLY.
and i will execute dribbles like its second nature.
and i will dodge defenders with great ease.
i will be so quick on my feet that i torture my defenders during training sessions HAHA like Giggs!
i will remembered for how i play.
i will be remembered for who i am.
on and off the field.

as for my dream, i am NEVER giving up.
so don't tell me what i should be or what i should not be.
i have my own moral values.
and what i deem as my raison d'etre.


ok now you can see why i got a D for gp.
i have shit structure, my points don't link up and
i write out of point.
i failed my essay because i created a question instead of picking one.