i hate today somehow.
1. as usual, i feel lousy during/after training
2. am noobshitz
3. feel that i dont ************************
4. boring, lonely yada yada
5. couldnt do field
6. didnt run the 2.4 well at all
7. hate myself for being such an impatient ass.
8. dont know why ********************
9. the book im reading is well....
10. thinking of next year makes me sick in the stomach
11. had no shirt to change to.
12. nearly became a block of ice on the way home.

for the past year or so, i havent really been alone at home.
today i opened the door, flung it wide open, the flat is so goddamn empty.
this feeling fucking sucks.
after eating i tried to juggle.
but fuck it man i just cant do it.
what if i can never do it?
what if i have already reached my limit because somehow i dont seem to be improving.

frankly speaking, if you would think about it, training now cannot be considered as intensive. its just frequent. as usual, the bottom line again is to train hard.
so many people are going overseas for long periods of time... expecting a coach has become somewhat overboard; impractical.

when something good happens, expect something bad to follow.
hello pessimist.