today when i saw a squirrel on the fence. i said nothing.
nothing at all.
just felt my eyes widen for a nano second or so.usually, an emily lim would squeal with delight and announce to everyone "eh omg theres a squirrel leh!".

i would hereby like to apologise to anyone who has been disturbed by the unusually(but soon to be usual) moody me.
thanks mrs ng, for your two hours today.
am i able to carry on like that for 6 more weeks?
its day 2 but i cant hold out any longer.
cant wait for friday. theres field training like f finally.havent kicked in 1.5 weeks. then theres rock night, but liray isnt playing.
look forward to seeing kahlok!

seriously, i cant wait for the promotional exams to be over and done with.
i want to put in 110% for training.
and hopefully, we can all improve significantly as a team, and be yet another step closer to our dreams.

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going
em, get going.

where will you be next





hi, do congratulate me on my supposedly stunning conversion to an introvert after a mere 4 months in njc.
wow, yeah, when i come to think of it, i really have become sort of like a loner.
i value every opportunity i have to be alone sometimes.
but then again, when im really alone, i wish someone would be there.
somehow i feel as if i am stifling the real me unknowingly
behind this facade, lies someone yearning to be included, appreciated and valued.
don't read me through the smile i have on my face.
don't read me through the conversations we have.
don't read me at all.
because the only thing you need to do to know someone is to read his heart.
but you can't read that without him giving you the keys to it first.


my existence means nothing to you


HELLO PEOPLE,
does anyone miss me?
i lost my internet for one and a half weeks, or was it two?
it was agonising man. oyeap and my bro went all the way to payar lebar and he found out that we actually have wireless all the while and apparently we didnt know it shit man! so it means i can surf the net in the privacy of my own room while he can play maplestory in his room at the same time. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. today i was online for about 9 hours in total. aint kidding. time flies when you use the net.
besides that, this month was hell of a disaster for me, except for your appearance, and the seniors farewell party yesterday.
i constantly feel empty, for what reason, im not sure. my grades are so horrid my teacher has to see me to warn me that i will retain if i dont work.
my skills are still as disappointing.
i cant find warmth in my class, okay this has been going on for about a decade already.
have to emphasize again that its not the people. its just me.
there are a thousand things on my mind,
soccer comp finished last week.
i totally didnt know anyone in my team so i just zoned out most of the time but they are friendly people.
the experience i gained from the five matches was whoa.
when i look back now, i realised i really did enjoy playing despite the fact that i nearly always screw up. on thursday when tammy announced that nto1 got hrough i was damn happy, happy till i literally jumped in the air.
but on friday we drawed the first quarter final match, niaoniao was in the other team. before the match we were both damn damn damn nervous, our hands were damn damn damn cold, and yeah i dont want to fight niao. anyw because of the draw we had a penalty shoot out. samara and justins kicks were like damn hard la. gerard and neng ge too.when their balls hit the wooden plank there was a loud thud sound. soccer guys should go do a STOMP project.during the last part, i scored a goal which i seriously thought was tyco x 1000000000000000000000000000000 the angle was bad,it was a soft kick. i think thiagu thought i was aiming for the other side thats why.or not he would definitely have gotten it. nvm, what matters is it did get in.
man am i lucky or what.
and i couldnt stop smiling!
i am super duper glad that we gOt to play more, somehow i wished we could play ten more matches HAHAHA
but we lost the next two mathes.. got fourth. it was extremely demoralising. after the last match when we ost the penalty shootout this time, i walked to the bench, felt damn sian. so i decided to be emo and go back to the grandstand to spend some time alone and reflect.
my teammates who were all my seniors were damn nice, we shook hands and they told me good game.it was really heartwarming.
well, it really was GG as in in the negative sense too.
hated not being able to eat victory ice cream at island cremery. sigh. just have to accept it. i think i treat the match too seriously. sigh,
i wrote something really private in my little orange diary.

anyways. yep ohman its 3 am...
seniors farewell yesterday was amazingly fun. best day i ever had in nj.
i feel sleepy shall blog next time.
janice called me last night when i just reached home, we talked for one hour and 35 minutes i miss janice.
wish you were here! thats one of the few who know me inside out.
i realise i treat different people differently. because i am someone who values appreciative people, i somehow get very affected by unappreciative people. the words thank you and sorry mean a lot to me. ohman, well i guess ive become really sensitive and irritable recently.just one of my many moody posts. jan and i are experiencing the exact same stuff. well i guess we just have to hang in there.

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

my tragic love story lasted for a mere two days
now i can only sneak a glance from afar
wishing you'd just turn and smile
to melt my heart away